A Return. A Full Exposure.

I'm back again after another long hiatus of self loathing and substance abuse.

Just kidding. Well, half kidding, I mean we all have our vices. But I'm just joking. I really just took this summer to get lots of reading done, find a higher-paying job, write some more articles, and also finish a weird little dystopian play I had been working on for way longer than I care to admit. But it's done, bitches. My long hiatus away from this blog is at an end. Thanks for being here for me when i need you, waiting patiently. Also, full disclosure, I had to search for how to spell the word "hiatus". I've always tried to be honest with you from the start, dear reader, and now you know the frightening truth: that I'm a pretty terrible speller (luckily I've chosen to pursue a career where spelling isn't a hindrance, that is, writing. Ha.) That's it, the veil has been lifted, there are no more secrets.

Phones and Fears
Summer is now officially over. I took that time to continue to build my writer's resume, to network, and to continue to grow as an artist and creator. The elephant in the room, I suppose, is that I barely ever write on this platform. I suppose I could justify it by saying "well, I've been working on so many other writing projects, diving into so many other things," and while that is all true, it's still just an excuse. See every writer, every artist is faced with two choices throughout their day: create, or don't create. There are obvious times when one cannot create, of course, like when you are at your day job, or driving home, or showering, but it's what you do in between those times that matters. It's the push and pull of boredom and distraction, the balance between fear and motivation What you do defines you. And I find myself so often unable to write, and when I do write, I find myself just venting into the void that I'm unable to write. Now there's a terrifying paradox. It's okay in small doses to write about not being able to write, but eventually you just turn into a bitter asshole because you are personifying your worst fear: being too cowardly to have a voice.

It's hard enough to write really compelling characters with interesting, rewarding plots, but now there are so many more things getting in the way of our imaginations. Our phones keep us distracted more than anything this world has ever known. The need for a validating response for the work we do has never been higher. Especially for creators that are desperate to make a living off of their creations, like, there's a huge problem in creative industries where gate-keepers don't want to, you know PAY for the time and talents of creators. As though we pay our bills with Likes, comments, bylines, and "exposure". Yuck. The gate-keepers know this, and they prey on the creators who might be financially set otherwise, but they want to share their creative gift with others. But if your dream is to make a living off of your creative product? You have a tough road ahead. I certainly haven't figured it out yet. But in the mean time, the praise and acknowledgement keeps us pacified as creators, so because we love what we do, it's very easy for us to be taken advantage of financially. Even now I'm salivating over the notion of sharing this blog post and receiving validating responses or praises from anyone and everyone. And when we do ask for more money (or any at all) it comes as a huge surprise to those benefiting from our hard work.  We have to be careful of that as creators. We, as Hemingway says, "have to be okay not writing for an audience." This is a difficult thing for me in the fact that I grew up as a performer. I received immediate, raw responses from audience when I told a joke, sang a song, did a jig on the stage. Our phones are a technological version of this clap-trap.

Bo Burnum observed that America raised a generation of performers, and the market said "okay, here you go, perform everything all the time."

Louie CK once made the observation that young people aren't bored anymore, and he's so right. that's why we get our best work done when our phones are out of our faces, when the TV is off, when we have a moment to process all the superfluous junk that is hoisted upon us, when we have a chance to be still and just be. We need the time to be bored so we can learn how to discover shit about ourselves and not get criticized by a bunch of snarling jackals on twitter. We need time to just be sad, so that wave of happiness, of clarity can follow.

Full Frontal
Anyway, listen to me casually dropping the wisdom of such a controversial figure without even acknowledging the most recent news surrounding him. Okay wait here it goes'...

Louie CK recently made a return to stand up comedy. He went away for a while, and I miss him. He's my favorite stand up comedian. I try not to lionize people, but I always did look to Louis in particular as a voice of hilarity and reason. Obviously his comedy is crude and brash and unfiltered, but I always felt that his shtick came from a very honest, human place. It's adult materiel, which means it's up to us as audiences to take everything at face value, to understand that he's a man sitting down with a pad and a pen just trying to make us laugh while he makes sense of the world. But recently his work is being viewed through the lens of him being some machiavellian sex offender, as though his offenses (that were never criminally charged, mind you) are comparable to a Weinstein or Cosby power dynamic. And so every awkward moment, every self aware dig at his own sexuality or desire to be desired, is coming under fire as him "hiding his perversions through media."

Here's an article of a bunch of writers talking about whether or not they should ostracize him from their community.  

https://variety.com/2018/scene/news/full-frontal-bobs-burgers-writers-louis-c-k-return-sublime-primetime-1202939782/

That article, by the way is a round table discussion of writers from Samantha Bee's and Bob's Burgers on whether or not Louis should wait longer to return. Funny that none of the writers from Bob's Burgers had anything to say about their buddy Aziz who was himself publicly shamed for having a date go poorly. Aziz's "victim"aided in a smearing piece against the comedian. I revile her for remaining anonymous, and find it ironic that the entire smut piece shows her absolute complacency and disregard for her own agency, and she then hides behind the brutally ironic pseudonym "Grace" as she wines about how her attempts to bag a rich boy didn't go as planned. I do feel badly for the girl to an extent, she's under pressure like we all are while this #Metoo movement fills us all with confusion and defensiveness and anxiety about our sexuality. She had a shitty night with a guy who was under the assumption that she wanted to f@ck after she came up to his apartment and performed various sex acts with him. But according to her, he was too forceful with wanting to take it further, and he didn't pick up on her "nonverbal cues", so you know, let's ruin this promising young minority's career because he planned on using you for sex the way you planned on using him for status.

Sorry but when feminist writers like Margaret Atwood and Bari Weiss reject your narrative, and even liberal thinking Whoopi Goldberg drops knowledge on you, you know you've done your "movement" a disservice. Men are not mind readers. Now, Aziz is back doing stand up, and it hasn't been nearly as controversial as Louis' return, so I guess we've unanimously decided to pour all our hatred and angst into Louis. I suppose it's easier that way. All these evil sex criminals are hard to keep track of, after all.

Anyways, back to Louis. Can we talk about the hilarious irony that the article about Louis starts with "full frontal"? I don't care where you stand on the issue...shit is funny. Obviously if you've been living under a rock for the past 8 months, you'd not know that Louis was accused of some version of this: He jerked off in front of some female stand-up comedians in a hotel room. There are other stories from other accusers like he jerked off while being on the phone with someone, and also he made suggestive advances so you know, mild ass sh!t when held up to actual cases of violent assault. Regardless, he's perceived now as a creepy guy whose actions are innately predatorial in every context. Despite the fact that all accounts tell us he asked for consent from these women, he then realized that he may be using his professional power over these women irresponsibly, and then he even reached out to them and tried to right the perceived wrongdoings. Still FX, Netflix, and other studios cut ties with him. They have every right to terminate a contract with someone that they feel will be bad for their brand. That's the free market. They made a purely financial decision, and that is their right.

"Louis didn't step away long enough, it should have been at least a year," some say.

Oh is that the official decree from on high? Who made you the judge and jury to a situation where no crime was committed and no charges were filed?

"He should have acknowledged what he did"

Maybe. Would you work on a tight five of the most humiliating months of your life and then announce "mea culpa" to a room of strangers? Probably not. Who are you who gets to decide what a creator's content aught to be? Would you really come to an understanding with him if he decided to apologize through his self-deprecating humor, and see him as the pitifully flawed person he has always been? Or would you just use his words against him as a way to vilify white men? Just something to think about I guess.    

It's also come to light that he used to ask his friend Sarah Silverman if he could j@ck off in front of her, and she used to allow him to. So do we now blame her in part for enabling his behavior to thrive? Should studios cut ties with her? OF COURSE NOT. People, this is a generation of humans, and Louis' show explores this often, where the systems in place were deeply repressive to the male and female sexuality alike. Everyone was shamed for wanting to experiment, or discover themselves sexually. Male, female, gay, straight, whatever. And it was Louis' and Sarah's generation that fully experienced the leftover sexual liberations of the 60's. But now we're all just openly deciding to shame people again. Cool. This behavior is only now being exposed because the media enables it, so you have these two completely polarized and over-simplified narratives where a woman is either an infantilized, lionized victim by default, or they are a toxic witch armed with the excesses of feminism in search of a pay day. And the media wins again, because all they have to do is dig up these endless moments of sexual confusion and BAM, they have their quota for the week. 

My ultimate question for the people who don't want him to return to doing the thing he loves the most, what do you actually want? Should we publicly execute him? Should we give each of the women he "misconducted" their own Netflix specials? Should he no longer be able to make money on stage or in front of a camera? I'm really asking.

The clear answer is that (hold on to your butts) no punishment aught to be given that has no authority to punish. If any of these alleged criminals were to be prosecuted as such, then we have this thing called a justice system to dish out the proper punishment for crimes committed against its citizens, and then we also have this thing called a free market where you, the consumer, get to spend your money on the media, on the art, on the voices that you want to see and hear. Nobody can tell you that you can't go see a particular performer, and nobody can force you to see one either. But if you find yourself advocating that someone cannot make a living because you do not like them as a person, even though they have never been charged with a crime, you are the definition of an authoritarian. You are poisoned by an ideology that only seeks to serve itself, brought upon by out of touch bourgeoisie bureaucrats in malignant think tanks that just want to fabricate social unrest in order to gain power.

So Louis steps up on stage unannounced and does some comedy. Some were offended that they were not given a choice of whether or not they could see him. There are several levels of irony to this, of course. The first layer being that this controversy arose because Louis was allegedly trapping women in a room with him and forcing them to look at him while he jerked off. The second layer of irony is that of course he was not forcing these perfectly capable women to do anything they didn't want to do. They had every right and opportunity to get up, call him a creep, and leave the room if they didn't want to be in it. They were not assaulted by any measure. But we don't know really what was actually happening in those hotel rooms, and we don't know the context of the consent, or whether he was really leveraging these women's careers based on whether or not they let him... um...do his business? Well whichever narrative you prescribe to, you'll find the situation ironic for sure; I did.

The conclusion I came to:
A comedian entering a space that's entire mode of existence is a come-and-go environment where freedom of expression is paramount, is not a direct assault on your person. Therein lies the entire crux of the issue: the attempt to redefine "assault" as anything that a person might be made to feel uncomfortable with. This is what Johnathan Haidt has labelled The Coddling of the American Mind. So the way that this club has solved this issue is to put a disclaimer on their tickets that they do not control which controversial figures may or may not pop in for the evening and do a set. If you feel uncomfortable, you are free to leave, and they'll even pay your tab. I think that's pretty fair.

I don't know. I'm getting off this subject for now. I've done some dumb, selfish sh!t in my life. We all have. And I think part of the very human impulse to join the angry mob of the virtuous call-out culture, is that we're afraid that if we speak up, we'll be guilty by association, and the skeletons in our closet will be the next on the docket, being analyzed like a microscope. Sorry, that point reminded me of Eminem's song Cleaning out my Closet, and also lyrics from White America.

And they connected wit' me too because I looked like them
That's why they put my lyrics up under this microscope
Searchin' wit' a fine toothed comb
It's like this rope waitin' to choke
Tightenin' around my throat
Watchin' me while I write this like 
"I dont like this, no!"
All I hear is
Lyrics lyrics constant controversy
Sponsors workin' round the clock
To try to stop my concerts early
Surely hip hop is never a problem
In Harlem only in Boston
After it bothered ya fathers
Of daughters startin' to blossom

So in conclusion, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." I think that was Jesus who said that.

Look, Louie is a gross dude, he's always been pretty upfront about that fact, we just liked pretending it was harmless because we all have gross, perfectly human thoughts running through our head. But now that outrage culture has reached its most pernicious peaks, it's become very popular online trend to moralize, through a trendy new lens, every single thing that's ever happened or been said. But that's the thing I try to constantly remnd myself of-- it seems to just be an online thing. It's on twitter where the only thing to do is to pound our opinions against the wall of the void as though practicing for an ideological tennis match, and see what bounces back. I listened to the taping, and it seemed like people were overall pumped to see Louis' return to comedy. I certainly was and I'm not ashamed of that. The only "outrage" comes from a fabricated media frenzy. A group of snarling sjw's on twitter and some columnists looking for something to write about is not a "public outcry." Again, it seems to me that every day working people have so much more to worry about than what the sexual habits of rich people are, and this machine that keeps feeding off of our outrage will soon consume us all. You might not feel it yet, and you might think that a lot of these issues brought out to the light are for a just cause-- but it's very easy to lose sight of a liberal culture if you are willing to persecute and sacrifice even 1 innocent person in the name of an ideology. That's no longer liberalism, that's cowtowing to fear.

Liberalism: Allowing people to live a life free of social percussion when they have committed no crimes, and despite the fact that the things they say may offend your sensibilities, you do your best to coexist with your neighbor.

Authoritarianism: Co-opting and weaponizing an unearned sense of moral virtue in order to persecute others and purge the world of anyone and anything that goes against your current orthodoxy or which makes you upset.   

Neitszche says "distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful," and I think that's my takeaway from this controversial issue. If you don't want to see him, you don't have to buy tickets to his shows and you can protest him if he appears on SNL or Conan or what-have-you. You have that right. Exercise it all you like. But as far as public punishment, or atoning for his sins of being a creepy dude...we already have a rather intricate system in place that seeks to bring criminals to justice based on the set of laws that we, the people, put in place. It's called the justice system.

There's more important things to worry about. There are more and more school shootings that we, as a society are becoming dangerously indifferent to. There's psycho b!tches from Florida making plans to drink other kid's blood, and there's moron Republican foot-soldiers mailing bombs to our former heads of state (that dude's also from Florida, but I swear, that's just a coincidence). The media machine wants you to constantly be up in arms about all these issues no matter how large or small. They want you to take a stand, they want you salivate and constantly need to be on the right side of things that they search out, dissect, and moralize through the lenses and doctrines. Remember that very few of the voices on twitter have law degrees, very few have sat down to write or edit major works, very few understand how or why this country even exists. And remember that YOU are in control of what you pay attention to.

 Here's a song to enjoy when you're a little lost in life and unsure what the next move is or why you might be feeling a bit lonely or confused or overwhelmed. Then just go outside and breathe, and try to be nice to one another. Points if you can find the theme of why I chose this tune.

Anyways, I'm glad to be back after what seemed like an incredibly short summer. I'm hoping to keep this up for as long as it serves me. It really helps get my motor going, get my writer muscles moving. I'll plan to post some poetry here, some more thoughts on topical/ important issues, probably vent about everyday life etc... but next couple blogs, I want to talk about music. Something happened this past spring that changed music for me forever, and I'd like to dive in and talk about it. We'll see how it goes.

I'm glad Louis is back doing what he loves. I'm going to feel free and comfortable to quote his body of work as a point of reference, and I'm not going to feel the need to defend his wisdom in relation to the controversy surround him. The incidents do not diminish his body of work for me. I hope this is the beginning to some road of redemption and healing. For the women that he made feel uncomfortable, for him, and for the culture.

If you don't know where to start, Start Anywhere

 Anyways, moving the subject away from sexual stuff and controversy and forgiveness and judgement, sometimes it's just a bitch to sit down and write. Whether it's because you're imagining a lynch mob persecuting you for your thoughts, whether it's because some imaginary critic is taking a dump on every mediocre creative thought you've ever had, or because you couldn't get out of bed this morning and your head hurts, sometimes the writing just does. not. flow. And that's okay. It happens to everyone. Writing anything is a tiny accomplishment, and if everyone could write War and Peace or To Kill a Mockingbird, then they wouldn't be considered that great of accomplishments, would they? Not everyone can do that sh!t. So here are some quotes that help me start writing. Lots are from Hemingway because I've been reading him a lot lately. Some you might find to be tired aphorisms found on motivational corporate posters etc, but together they are an antidote to the chaos of the creative mind.

On being stuck:
"The secret of getting ahead is getting started"- Mark Twain

On perfectionism:
"...perfectionism is very dangerous. Because of course if your fidelity to perfectionism is too high, you never do anything. Because doing anything results in (sacrifice)...it's actually kind of tragic because you sacrifice how gorgeous and perfect it is in your head for what it really is." -David Foster Wallace

"Have no fear of perfection. You'll never reach it." Salvador Dali

On the need for validation:
"One must be okay not writing for an audience"- Hemingway (paraphrased)

On putting too much pressure on yourself in front of the computer:
"Do not worry, you have always written before, and you will write now." -Hemingway

On putting too much pressure on yourself away from the computer.
"Don't think about writing when you're not writing." - Hemingway

On filtering your thoughts and stepping on taboo eggshells.
"Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak because a baby can't chew"-Mark Twain 

On fearing other people's opinions.
"I've already settled it for myself, so criticism and praise go down the same drain"
-Georgia O'Keeffe

Words I have trouble spelling off the top of my head, but am getting better at:
 -hiatus (obviously)
-address (1 "D" or two, I ask myself every time.)
-exaggerate
-existence
-exercise
-drawer
-censorship
-incident
-acquire
-correspondence
-privilege
-endeavors
-Nietzsche (not exactly in common vernaculer, but I read and quote him enough so I should learn it.)
-vernacular

See you next time. Tell me your thoughts on some of these issues I talked about. How was your summer? Have you forgiven Louis, and many of the other males (and females) in media that have done some shady stuff that might not qualify as assault per se, or are you hoping for more punishment for this behavior and accountability? What about someone in your past that wronged you? Maybe they didn't coax you up to a hotel room and jerk off in front of you, maybe it was something else, and you've finally come to a place where you can offer forgiveness to them. Or, maybe there is something you've done that you wish to be forgiven for, if only someone would extend to you the ability to be forgiven. We all deserve that don't we? If the will to change and better one self is present, I believe that. Also, What gives you the most trouble when you create? What are the worst distractions you face when trying to achieve your goals?

Just some stuff to think about until next time.

--CjM

It's Okay. Sometimes It Needs to be Said. So Often It Needs to be Heard.

Just a reminder.
It's okay.

It's okay to feel the way you are feeling. It's okay to feel trapped or bored or scared or inadequate. It's okay to do shit wrong the first time so that way you know that you are human, and that to be human is to error, and the only way to get better at something--to improve-- is to fail. Yes; fail. It's okay to fail. It's okay to want to give up. It's okay to want to escape because you realize that the version of yourself, the self that you are right now is trapped in an simulation of unrewarding, unsatisfying banality that will never change and worse, never end. It's okay to feel stupid. It's okay to have an unpopular opinion. It's okay to disagree. IT'S OKAY TO DISAGREE. It's. Okay. To. Disagree. It's okay to want to scream out loud when you are waiting in line for something that you don't want to be waiting in line for in the first place. It's okay to feel judged, like the kind of judgement you feel when you walk into a restaurant, or a coffee shop you don't think you belong in, because all the people are rich, or snooty, or of a different ethnicity, or loud, or clueless, and you think they're all staring at YOU because you are DIFFERENT, and it's almost like the entire room is conspiring against you, they are planning, they are in cahoots so that they can reveal what a jerk you are, what a loser you are, what a monster you are, but they are actually so IN-different to your existence that you might as well not exist, which is why they all bumped passed you without saying "excuse me," or "my apologies", because you are just meaningless wind to them. It's okay to not know which of those two scenarios would be worse. It's okay to want to feel safe, just like it's okay to want to protect someone you care about, just like it's okay to assume that the only person watching out for you is you, and so you might as well take precautions. It's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to find your strength. It's okay to people-watch. It's okay to find strangers fascinating or sexually attractive. It's okay to introduce yourself to strangers just like it's okay to want to curl up into a ball when someone you don't know makes eye contact with you. It's okay to be traumatized and it's okay to overcome your traumas. It's okay to blare your music. It's okay to be sexually liberated just like it's okay to be sexually reserved. It's okay to fear technology while you use it day in and day out, struggling with the notion that all you want to do is pull the screen away from your face and live and breath and experience something totally fresh and original and exciting, but if you do that then you might miss out on something inside the screen. It's okay to space out because life has overall not given you the fulfillment that someone, at some point in your past told you it would. It's okay to feel down and be hard on yourself.
It's okay to struggle.
It's okay to contradict yourself.   
It's okay to be lonely.     
It's okay to miss someone. It's okay to miss someone. It's. Okay. To. Miss. Someone.

It's okay.

It's okay to lionize someone even if they were cruel to you because you believe people are, overall, good and you know that if they were given a second, or third, or fourth chance, that they might finally treat you the way you'd like to be treated; the way you've tried your best to treat them. It's okay to want the best for someone that wants the worst for you. It's also okay to walk away from someone and leave them in your past. It's okay to forgive. It's okay to forget. It's okay to finally be okay with who you are just like it's okay to want to change something you don't like about yourself. It's okay to be imperfect. It's okay to improve. It's okay to escape reality. It's okay if you are fascinated by things that carry an enormous societal taboo, because you stay up all night contemplating the pain and suffering you've endured, or the hurdles you've overcome, or if pain is temporary then what might death feel like or if God exists or truly, if anything actually exists at all. It's okay to want to read more fiction because reality pisses you off.
It's okay to feel weird and misunderstood.

It's okay to feel weird and misunderstood because nobody can relate to your taste in movies, or your love for the satisfying sound a book makes when you close it because you finished a chapter, or because your real hero is the person who comes back with the pizza and it's still warm when you open the box, or because you love to take baths in the winter because something about the mystifying steam and loud rushing of scolding hot water behind a closed door is the best defense from the cold, dark, nothingness of the of the solemn season, or because whenever someone tells you to look at the stars, you'd rather look up at the moon, or because you play out a million little stories in your head whenever you listen to music on your morning commute, stories you are desperate to tell, but often times too distracted by clouds or politics or pretty girls to write them down, or because sometimes you feel like everyone has abandoned you and you are destined to die alone, or because when you look in the mirror, you don't see what everybody else sees, or because you feel like you were born in the wrong time period, or because you're passionate about politics but you hate people that are passionate about the politics you disagree with, or because you never quite got over that teacher in seventh grade that called you stupid, or that girl who called you fat, or that boy who called you ugly and retarded and a faggot, and sometimes when you're taking a bath at night in the middle of wintertime you wonder and hope desperately that you're not the only person who thinks these thoughts, otherwise what will they think of me?
It's okay to be weird and misunderstood.   

It's okay to hate social media but still have to incessantly check it even though you know it's just going to make you upset somehow but you fear irrelevance in a fast-paced post-truth word, and you know that these platforms have become consumerist parodies of themselves, and people are seemingly more divided than ever on topics because we seek labels in order to belong, and we are no longer conditioned to get along, but conditioned to be staunch and stubborn in our oh-so-correct view of the world, however solipsistic or myopic that view may be. It's okay to have opinions about issues that affect everyone just like it's okay to laugh at people's close-minded, over-opinionated statements. It's okay to be an idealist without being an ideologue. It's okay to want to share without being a communist. It's okay to seek power without being a fascist. It's okay to be a democrat. It's okay to be a republican. It's okay to be an independent, or to sit on the fence, or to check out of politics entirely.

It's okay to fucking curse. It's okay to pray even if you don't know if anyone or anything is out there listening. It's okay to not know. It's okay to be distracted and--oh hey an online quiz that tells me what Disney villain I am based on my astrological sign--
It's okay to get yourself back on track. It's okay to show respect for your enemies. It's okay to learn from someone older than you, younger than you, different from you. It's okay to be different and have differences and celebrate diversity just like it's okay to have traditions and look out for your own.
It's okay to be White, Black, Hispanic, Middle-Eastern, Asian, Native, Aborigine, Polynesian or wherever else you came from. It's okay to be a man. It's okay to be a woman. It's okay to be confused about which gender you are. It's okay to be straight or bi or gay or somewhere in between. It's okay to hate identity politics. It's okay to have feelings and cry and yell and lash out into the void. It's okay to fight with your addictions. It's okay to want more.

It's okay to get rejected. It's okay to freeze and feel uninspired. It's okay to say what you feel. It's okay to have certain thoughts and even write them down.

It's okay to be you. 

  
   

Social Mania. Also Depression, Distraction, Motivation, David Foster Wallace, Albert Camus, and Other Subjects

"For believers, no explanation is necessary. For nonbelievers, no explanation is possible."

        Is it normal to be distracted? What is it about those days of ineffectiveness, those days of sloth that make us so resentful of our lives? We get up, we glug glug our cups of coffee, then we shove off to our place of employment begrudgingly, or if we are lucky, with some sense of inspired optimism. At the end of the work day, we bust out the door with the setting sun tickling our eyes and we experience that euphoric sense of freedom, of limitlessness, of potential that the evening might bring...
        But this brings us only a temporary joy because when we get home what do we do? Well, a wide range of banal but necessary tasks that we've been putting off; errands and the like, and then we get home with just enough daylight left to cook dinner and melt away in from of the Television. Why do we continue this cycle? Routine and comfort.
        Look, I thought freeing myself from the shackles of full-time servant work in the city would allow me the time and stress relief necessary to achieve some real personal goals. I was (and still am) so over the city. And while I'll admit that freeing myself from said useless drudgery has allowed me to accomplish a great deal this past year, I still feel so small. So is it me? Am I the type of person that is resentful of his own existence just because I haven't achieved some vague, abstract version of "success"? No I don't think so. But success would sure be nice.

        Is that what being a true artist is about?! Suffering with yourself until you vomit out something (hopefully) profound, relatable and consumable? Are we all doomed to live our own Dostoevsky Hell in order to escape ourselves? Am I simply impatient, or just outright untalented; or both?!
        Or perhaps I am human, perhaps longing for routine and seeking the comfort of sloth and lazy entitlement is just a part of every day life. In this culture of Netflix binges, in the thralls of the never ending Facebook feed of people I barely give a sh!t about...I sometimes find myself a helpless addict. It's not because I am useless, or evil or anything like that, it's because I actively silence the voice that says "Hey, you should probably not lose yourself in another YouTube hole, and rather dig into your creative process instead. You know, the only thing in your life that gives you any sense of joy or fulfillment?" That. Why are you putting that version of yourself so far into the background?"  We have to constantly battle that inclination to indulge our sense of stagnancy. Our id knows what we like: safety. But our ego is constantly pinching us to remind us of our wasted potential, our escape and isolation.

        It's because growing, in any sense, is a risk. It's scary, and takes effort, and distractions, however non-nutritious, can protect us from having to face that growth. That thing that might bring us to the next level, the next tier of being, the next plain of existence we know we belong on, or as Neitzche puts it: "Becoming the Ubermench," is put on hold, and consumable distraction enables the numbing passivity that prevents us from being who we are. That's why high rates of depression are correlated with high rates of drug use (heroine), that's why the male suicide rate is so high when industries evolve into no longer needing manual labor. Because distraction is so readily available, and the craving to be comfortably numb is so happily indulged. The search for meaning is pacified. Ennui.

        I know I know, it all sounds so daunting and I often receive criticism from my friends and family to not be so hard on myself. This is completely valid and offers me peace-of-mind, especially when I get that same "You should be writing" tick in the back of my head on holidays or special occasions or family events. This is the other side of the extreme. It's okay to enjoy life every now and again but I feel so f@cking guilty when I'm not writing. Which I suppose is a marvelous thing because it means that I'm aware that I'm not doing the thing that I was meant to be doing. This is a good sign. Also, especially in a country and time as this one, I can find some sense of empowerment in knowing that it is UP TO ME AND ONLY UP TO ME to make that change.   
You already know the thing that will change you for the better...you're just frozen. Unfreeze.
   
SOCIAL MEDIA: Compare, Compete, Judge, Repeat.


You cannot stop people from indulging in their sense of vindicated societal dread. Truly you can only, within your own heart choose to battle with it, or succumb to it. Change (societal or personal) is an inevitable, sometimes necessary fact of life, but do not let that fact stop you from finding some peace and contentment with the here and now.

        One of my music teachers once told me "Colin, you're not a guitar player until you can take apart a guitar and know the name of every piece of which you put back together. " Okay, so I'm paraphrasing, but essentially what he was telling me is that if you want to dedicate your life to something, you better know your sh!t inside and out. You better eat, sleep and breath the thing. You better make sure that the thing you dedicate your life to is something that without it, your life would be void of meaning. I suppose this is why I've joined an online review site: To work on my writing craft and formulate opinions, yes, but to also understand the value of constructing stories. Sure, I'll be reviewing media and offering subjective opinions, but my aim, rather than gleefully deconstructing something with salty undertones, will be to better understand the art of structure and be inspired by others speaking their creative voice.

Unrelated:
        I found myself asking some very cynical, perhaps jaded questions of myself this afternoon before stomaching the notion to sit down and write:
        Why do we seek out wisdom from pampered celebrities whose only true wish is to be worshiped? Why do we give platforms to people that pander and tweet empty platitudes and truisms? Why are we given such easy answers to such complex solutions? Why do we find ourselves aware of the problem but are always one step away from solving them? Simple. We are seeking for answers in all the wrong places, because the wrong places are presenting themselves to us in every dark corner throughout our day. And those voices are loud; too loud. We have the power to silence these monsters, leaving less room for the toxicity of drama and opening ourselves to the noble virtue of reason and peace.

The FACEBOOK Monster

Writing is constantly having to 'reel it in' and stop being a spectator for the majority of your day. This is not to say that being a spectator is a bad thing. Absolutely not. BUT, (again, I'll return to this theme) be mindful of the things that you are allowing to consume your time. Your time is all you have, dear reader. Your attention is a precious thing. This is something I have struggled with immensely. You see social media has more or less conditioned people (me) to be a spectator throughout my day. Their format is so vapid and dangerously addictive, especially when you really let it take you. Scrolling, scrolling, There's someone you knew back when your life had such promise and vigor. Look at me now, so ugly and so alone. There's that professor you so admired back in your junior year...oh Jesus, he's posted another insipid video about micro-aggression with a quippy, overly enthused headline. Dude, didn't you lose your job because you had an affair with a student? Oh, there's my very first girlfriend...she's aged terribly. Cute kid though... and she's a...really passionate Trump supporter. Oh and there's all her friends cussing her out for being evil. Geez I feel like I should say something in her defense, I mean I don't agree with this post at all but this is a toxic witch hunt...naaa, I've lost interest. I'm about sick of politics for the day anyways. OH! A celebrity scandal! A video of a CUTE CAT! Holy hell, it's been 25 minutes and I've literally done nothing. Nothing. I don't deserve the precious gift that is existence.  
        I wrote an article recently reviewing South Park's new episode where they mercilessly tool on the immoral corporatism of Mark Zuckerberg. They turn Zuckerberg into this weird caricature of a video game boss and it's absolutely hilarious. He takes the very literal embodiment of what I now refer to as the Facebook Monster. It's in our homes, in our beds, it's waiting for us when we get out of the shower. And it's our fault, we invited it into our lives so it's not going anywhere. It's very plain to me from listening to interview after interview of celebrities crushed by the weight of fame and public opinion and over exposure to the mob...that A. none of us need any of this. and B none of us really want it either. We are all left so empty after our brief encounter with the Monster, but it keeps us coming back with little notifications that are scientifically engineered to "keep us playing." A playful little token, a reward, a lie that lets us think for one brief moment in our visit to the Meta-verse that somebody gives a sh!t. But then why do we still feel so empty, so unsatisfied?
        Maybe if I keep scrolling I'll find something that will really scratch my itch. I can write later tonight. After dinner. And after a couple episodes of The Office.    
        Unfulfilled, empty addiction from unwavering technological leaps is precisely the thing that David Foster Wallace was concerned about in is Magnum Opus: The Infinite Jest. The Infinite Jest being the title of a film made that is so perfectly done, once you see it, you never ever want to do anything else.

        Don't wait for permission. Don't keep that Facebook mindset where you just watch sh!t go by and let things bother you until you just lash out on some comment section. And I also don't want you to take from this "Hey, you're right, I'll be more active on my Facebook, that will bring me more fulfillment. No. F@ck that, it won't. It will buy you temporary acknowledgement from your smug group of 12 sh!tty people that actually follow you. Donate your time to something better. All of Facebook is passive. It's not real. Don't live a passive life, live a bold one. The bold ones are the successful ones. People want to guilt you into being passive, to stifle your brilliance, to shout you down or nay-say. The loudest voice among them though? You, muthaf@cka, so don't let people with slave mentality convince you that you aren't virtuous if dare to overcome adversity and make something of yourself.

Sometimes when I'm out writing in cafe's like I am today, I get distracted with the fearful anxiety that not only my writing, but life itself, is pointless. So yeah. That's always fun. Sometimes I turn that energy into more writing, but sometimes the dread is so powerful that I can only curl up into a ball and either listen to music or watch YouTube. This morning I did both: After some light chords behind smooth, harmonic voices, I turned to the tube because I had nothing to read in my bag. Sometimes I use dread as a muse and other times I use it as an excuse to wallow and feel sorry for myself and the doom of humanity. It is what it is. Soren Kierkegaard talks about this dread paradox thusly: "dread is a sympathetic antipathy and and antipathetic sympathy," meaning simply: dread is a desire for what we fear and a fear of what we desire. It's a snowball of anxiety that traps you and distracts you from who you really are. You're funny, you're kind, you're curious and smart and motivated. Or at least you once were. Remember?

"The really important freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline. and being able to truly care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad, petty, unsexy ways, everyday. That is real freedom. That is being educated and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting. The rat race. The constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost some infinite thing."
- David Foster Wallace

 DFW also brings up what he calls an an old cliche, but I call a juicy piece of observational wisdom that applies to this mad, technological age:

"The mind is an excellent servant, but a terrible master."

 So we have to live our lives as though we have control over these thoughts, even though that is an illusion in itself. Take these rambling writings for example. I do them as unplanned exercises (sometimes with intent to review media, but again it's an exercise) for my writing chops. Upon sitting down to write, I may have an idea about the subjects I'd like to touch upon, but nothing ever exists as specific as it does until I breath life into it; until I allow my mind to wander and my fingers to type. So what is it that you are trying to breathe life into? As a creator, your thoughts can imprison you if you do not find the time to sit and explode every now and again. Our thoughts can very easily become the master as life continues to be thrust upon us, and day by day we feel that the world rotates around the sun with such pristine purpose, yet our existence, without some purpose, can feel completely erroneous. So, if I may throw out a little didactic witticism: We must identify the sun within our own life, and we must find the rotation that works best for us, and keeps our world on access, in balance, in harmony.
        "In the adult life," DFW says, "there is no atheism." So what he is saying is that we are all creatures of worship, so it is up to us to pick a God (capitol G) that actually has some substance. Are their morals and ethics and codes to your God, your purpose, your life? There are, of course, both good and bad gods (small g). Maybe you worship money, sugar, or that feeling you get when you refresh your phone and that little red notification invites you to indulge the illusion that you are important to someone (you aren't, or if you are, it's temporary).  
     "It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience," he says. "Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly...worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out."


**Let me digress for a moment and tie in some other famous people's wisdom while on the subject of celebrities...

Seinfeld's humor of exposing and over-analyzing humdrum, everyday events are timeless. The combination of "Oh my goodness I've been in that situation a million times and never thought of it that way," added with the fact that the characters' reactions are always ones of selfish indecencies which expose our own selfish reactions--it's perfect. ,We all have our group of friends and sure, you probably know at least four or 5 guys/gals that are wayyyy funnier than that Jerry guy who had a sitcom like 20 years ago right? They could easily do what he does and they've even made those observations before! Exactly. We all have. But none of us have the guts to stand up there and present those very clearly HOKEY DAD JOKES in font of anybody, let alone millions of people! His delightfully pedestrian observations on the everyday fly-buzzings of our lives are so relatable because they are so obvious in terms of subject matter. What he does though, better than everyone else out there, is respect the craft and formula of joke telling. He delivers in a way that is so essentially "everyman", so monotone, so flat, so, pedestrian, then he walks you into the most involved, eloquently worded scenario where you feel like you're sitting comfortably on a friend's couch, and laughing your @ss off as he so urgently cusses out the airline pilot or the bank teller or the stupid commercial or cussing out yet another insipid award show ...and that's the key right there: urgency. Everything maters to Seinfeld. Nothing is trivial. Even laundry is a cause to be theatrical in the mind of Seinfeld. It is in our banal, frustrating routines that we can encounter the most rigorous challenges...Seinfeld chooses to dissect these moments with whit and observational, judgmental humor that--as far as sitcoms go-- none can rival.** 

David Foster Wallace recognizes those frustrating little errands, obligations, and obstacles too. They weighed on him during his brief time in this existence. But he was able to turn those thoughts into poetry and raw lessons.

This speech by David Foster Wallace 
     



Putting An End to Crippling Dread and Depression Derived from Helplessness.

A favorite philosopher and novelist of mine, Albert Camus in his "Myth of Sisyphus" begs us to accept our fate, and understand that the drudgery of Sisyphus is inescapable...up, up, up, he pushes and pulls and sweats and toils with that bolder until he finally reaches the top of the hill, only to watch the bolder fall back down again. This is of course meant to illustrate the utter futility of life's struggle. But what Camus offers us is a simple twist: Imagine as Sisyphus pushes that boulder up the hill, he has the biggest, silliest, warmest of grins on his face. He loves the challenge, he wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world than where he is right now. And when he reaches the top only to watch the bolder come plummeting back to earth? Why, he lets out a bout of hearty, melodious laughter! It's a moment of sheer joy in the accomplished ridiculousness. It's what he had been looking forward to the whole way up. It's an earned moment of reflection on a job well done. It's no longer a story of witless drudgery, it's an empowered sense of duty and a loving embrace of the mundane yet necessarily journey uphill. It is the embracing of Nietzsche's Amor Fati (the love of fate), the enjoyment of Aristotle's talos, and reinforced by Kierkegaard's Ethical Mode of existence .   

        Of course, we are only humans. And sometimes the mundane is f@cking dogsh!t and we know in our hearts that we deserve more, but we aren't there yet. So I think the exercise is to get you to see that even when life feels completely futile and your dreams so out of reach...you DO have a choice...you can dread the struggle, refuse it and break down into nothing, or you can lean into it, and enjoy every step of the way as you push that bolder up the hill. Sure, some days will be dreadful and tiresome, but some days will seem easier and easier if you approach it with a positive outlook and embrace the challenge.
        Think of your goals as that mountain. Let's take something concrete like mine, I want to be a published novelist. The novel is the bolder. The act of writing it is the climb, and finishing/ publishing/ sharing it will be at the top of this particular mountain. I can choose to dread it, choose to put it off, choose to detest it...and that would be misery. In fact, I don't know why I'd want to write a novel in the first place if both the idea and process of it were such hell. So that's a telling sign right there as far as your goal is concerned: is it something that brings you joy? Now I'm not suggesting that every time I sit down to the computer rainbows shoot from my fingers and every word scribbled is a piece of some profoundly orgasmic manifesto of divinity. No f@cking way. I wouldn't be trailing off in this mindless blog if every time I sat at the computer I had "it," I don't. We're not all Charles Bukowski. Sometimes that mountain is daunting as all hell.
        But what I do know is that every time I have a good, engaging thought, every time I bridge a gap between plot points, every time I find a nice character moment, I'm filled with a sense of joy and fulfillment. Sure, pushing that bolder is heavy, but nobody else but me is strong enough to bear my own burden, and there is something beautiful about that. We all have that bolder (or that cross if you prefer the Christian narrative) to carry. We have the choice of what that bolder represents, and we have the freedom to enjoy the climb.    


Some random thoughts:


This blog is unapologetic about how self-indulgent it is, and I kind of like that. If something isn't self-indulgent, it's probably shallow and safe and formulaic. The self is far more interesting thing than any conglomerate or system can concoct anyways. Or maybe I'm fetishizing the individual.

I don't like guns, but I'd like to own one.

Sometimes big ideas make you feel small (macro) and the best way to alleviate that stress is to focus on a small and simple (micro) joy. February is a torturous month of wet spring and earthly smells and birds chirping and also bitter cold snow and death. I haven't written poetry since the summer.

I get an irrational lump in my throat when sirens go by. As if crimes I've never committed have caught up to me and the boys in blue have come to enact frontier justice on this sensitive sad fool.

Hope is for those that believe the fire will burn itself out before it reaches them, faith is for those that dive into the fire headlong, confident that they can survive the scourges and come out safely on the other side. I may have come up with this, or I can contribute it too my my over exposed sense of cryptomnesia.

I haven't seen a good television show in a long time because I wrote my own and have since been rejected by the powers that be. But I'd like to invest time into a show, but there are too many, and the burden of choice is overwhelming. So I just watch porn instead.

I haven't been to the gym since October, but I don't get fat. I get weak. Weak like a tired dog in an alleyway desperate to feast out of the garbage.

I start to believe in God again when I hear a really pretty song.
Certain people fill me with murderous rage, and that's not very Godly.

If you don't tell the stories you want to tell, then someone else will control the narrative, and they might not tell it as well as you can, and that will fill you with a resentment so powerful that you'll start to hate everyone around you for daring to want to have a pleasant day, or for wishing you to have one too. The fear is worth overcoming.  Even when you think it's cheating to be a vacuum that just spits out a collection of thoughts, it's not. It's just research. Tell the story. If you don't control the conversation, someone will misrepresent your argument; someone will speak for you that doesn't represent you. Be loud.

I'm hyper aware of the power technology has over me when I wake up in the morning. It's very easy to base your whole day around whether or not someone texts you back. It's very easy to ignore people but impossible to ignore your phone.

It's very easy to get discouraged. It's very common to feel that everyone hates you. It's the enlightened person that understands that not everyone is going to like you and there is nothing you can do about it other than smile.

People aren't commodities.

Art is not pointless. Pointlessness is not Art.

"Don't ever let fear turn you against your playful heart."- Jim Carey


-CjM

Brief Reflections On the New Year: "Seventeen-Going-on-Eighteen" and Other Strange References.

"I love New York on summer afternoons when everyone's away. There's something so sensuous about it-- overripe, as if all sorts of funny fruits were going to fall into your hands"

-The Great Gatsby


I spent the capital N New, capital Y Year in New York City. It was the coldest few days I've experienced in a long, long time, which ironically reminded me of one of my favorite descriptive quotes in F. Scott Fitzgerald's romantic masterpiece concerning summers in NYC (long island technically, but don't derail me). Oh how I longed for summer on that bitterly cold excursion to Manhattan. And, no, I did not do the Time Square Thing. I know enough after spending much of my time pounding the pavement on those very streets for very little pay, that there is little I can gain from returning there on holiday. Though, I do not cynically begrudge anyone who might want to subject themselves to the buzz, to the electricity, to the sheer magnitude of the "ball-dropping ceremony".

In fact, my friends tried (and failed) to make it to the countdown. It being the coldest NYE in NYC night on record, I can't imagine the sheer masochism and willpower it would have taken the thousands of people who had done the thing. Did you know (or so I've heard) that they don't allow any outside beverages, nor do they have any place to go to the bathroom during the event? Do that mo'f@ckin' math for a hot second. Nearly a million people congregating  for several hours and no bathrooms? Yea. Right. That square is probably covered in all manner of piss and sh!t and booze et al and I shudder just thinking about cleaning all that up. Of course people "shouldn't just go to the bathroom out in the streets..." but they do. They so do. Am I misinformed? Do people just wear adult diapers or hook up catheters to their pee holes? EWWWW okay I'm getting off this train of thought. Maybe someday I'll do the Time-Square- New-Years thing and document my suffering/ shenanigans. That would be amazing. Alas, my friends were sensible and left when they felt that they were about to--ummm-- die, and they met me in a more sensible area.

I on the other hand spent the evening traveling into the city (one of my favorite treks) after work. It was foolish of me to try and read quietly on the train while being subjected to all the commuters on the Metro North, pregame-ing in preparation for wherever their New Year's destination happened to be. Putting my book away, I accepted an offer to drink a few beers with some diverse, excitable college students in clubbing attire jamming out to some Raggaeton. Why the f@ck not, right?  

So now I'm good and lubed up.

Upon arrival, I for some reason hear Louis Armstrong singing "What a Wonderful World" in my head. I hear it every time I enter Grand Central. I don't know why. Perhaps I heard it being played by a street performer in the Terminal once before when I crossed over through the station's threshold. Perhaps the hectic human hustle in powerful juxtaposition with the meandering melancholic melody of the song has stayed with me. And when I enter the station and behold its prowess in all its grand (apt adj), golden glory... I think to myself: what a wonderful world. Maybe. All the Christmas lights and wreaths hanging up were lovely and picturesque to boot.

As I headed to the hotel in the West End I'd be staying in, swaddled in scarf and hat and hood in an effort to shelter myself from the cold, I could actually hear the million voices in midtown counting their way into the new year. It was like a shuttle launch filled with a mix of hope and angst and resentment and excitement and revelry.

But I was elsewhere in a sanguine trance, away from the madness, focusing way more on finding the location of my hotel with a busted-up smartphone than anything else. There was no pressure in fabricating some fleeting magic moment with a temporary ingenue, there was no worry of whether my guests are having an awesome time. It was just myself, on a journey completely separate, completely removed from the norm, as though I were an alien life form visiting from another planet. 
It was different. It was nice. Passerby's on the street were wishing one another a happy new year, but mostly, people had their own thing going on, uninterested in the fact that 11:59 was happening. Then 
midnight happens and, to nobody's surprise, 12:01 comes and the air is let out. We give so much meaning to a minute.            

Reactions in Twenty Eighteen 

As far as the year so far...we-are-seventeen-going-on-eighteen... and it's awkward. Online we appear to be a leaderless cult of emotional reactionary noise, virtue signalling and projection. That's not really different from last year. Or the year before that. There were too many memes of cynical, adolescent douchery where we piss and moan about how the year didn't go the way we wanted. If you want to blame a succession of numbers for the fact that your life sucks at the moment...well I don't think there's a whole lot a different succession of numbers will do for you. Let's stop being bratty teens about everything, stop expecting that everyone else needs to change this year, and start enacting change and motivation in our daily lives. We cannot change some things, but we do have control over how we react.

I hope you had a lovely new year, dear reader, and that you are settling in nicely after all the holiday madness. I'll be doing my best this year (because new years does serve a purpose to self reflect, change, improve, if you allow it to) to tackle some social/ political issues and shed a reasonable light on some of the polarizing topics that are guaranteed to creep up this year. Just remember, you do have control over how you react to things. In times when it seems like there are no moral, sensible voices, it's because they are being drowned out by the over opinionated, the extreme thinkers with an unreasonable view of the world, with an agenda to do nothing more than control the way you live your every day life. Remember, if nothing else this year, to take a deep breath, think, and remove your phone from your beautiful face.

That's all. Live your best life this year. Get inspired. Rise above the noise.         

Lady of the Flies

Hey folks.

Do you ever feel that there is a deep and honest singularity to the universe sometimes that is obviously based upon a coincidence, but it makes you feel like you are so in touch with the cultural conversation and you want so desperately for scientists  to preserve your brain for millennia in order to study how f@cking brilliant you are, or at the very least, how it's possible for a human to conflate minor coincidences into messages from the beyond? Me neither. Well okay, I did this week.

I just finished reading "Lord of the Flies," because, well, I don't need a reason. It's a classic. It's such a smooth, interesting read that explores society, male socialization, violence, tribalism peer-pressure, and bullying among many other themes, through the eyes of a group of private-schooled English boys.  imagine my serendipitous surprise when I see that they are planning a Gender-bended remake of William Golding's delightfully deconstructable novel found in most 9th grade English curriculums.      

Gender is now, apparently meaningless. Creators want to pander to feminists who don't understand feminism, with their own warped, capricious version of feminist pandering .
This is yet another appallingly lazy co-opting of an established cultural narrative that actually does more harm to the feminist cause than good. There is no need for this film to exist other than to say "we don't understand the point of this story." The implications of this new project is that every plot point, every masculine trait, every petty pissing contest, every inclination to suppress ones feelings for the good of the conch-shell, and the fire, and the prospect of being rescued, every pig slaughtering tribal dance, and instinctual desire to hunt and kill...that would all just be so very similar in the context of 2017 with a group of females. It's completely disingenuous and, by design, against everything we humans tend to understand about natural socialization.

The desperately hilarious part of all this gender-bending (inherently harmless, unless of course you are remaking a film that's entire purpose and structure is commenting on a specific gender) is that a man is going to direct this movie to better bring us the vision of what Lord of the Flies from a female perspective would be.

SO in case you keeping score, this movie, on top of ruining a classic piece of literature, misrepresenting biological and widely understood social behavior in order to depict females inaccurately exhibiting said behavior. This is all for the sake, of course of girlz being #bad@ss #vengeful #empowered, and in case you couldn't wait to bathe in the feminine glory of exploiting literature in order to make a cash-grabbing crudfest with no point, well rest assured that this will all be done carefully with two males at the helm. Talk about mansplaining.

For a good laugh, here's 
the New Yorker taking the piss out of the lost conceptual guidance of this laughably bad idea.

Would there even be a character called Piggy? They'd obviously be socially aware of the fat-shaming implications wouldn't they? They'd probably just call her "Thyroid Problem" or "Big Bone," or "Stop it Karen you aren't fat at all and your asmar is just the Patriarchy giving you limitations." Oh well. Not like those details are important.

Let me be clear. If you wanted to make a story about women crashing on an uninhibited island and dealing with the trauma, do it, that might be interesting or an idea worth exploring (negating the fact that you probably have only male screenwriters at the helm.) But don't call it LORD of the Flies, you ignorant pussbag. How in the hell did they even obtain the creative license for this? I'm beyond confused.

 This is just another instance of attention-grabbing, post-modern drudgery leaking into the mainstream.
But. I haven't seen the film yet. So. Who knows. Maybe it'll be a brilliant piece of satire and I'll happily shut the eff up. I just...I just so doubt it.

Final thought: Lady of the Flies is actually just the story of how Themyscira
is formed and we get to watch Gal Gadot prance around with her #empowered lady bits on display again. Yes, I'm all for more of that just as long as Patty Jenkens is signed on because she knows how to create sympathetic females characters.

Anyways, Stay tuned for next year's release of The Boy with the Dragon Tattoo.


-CjM

Episode 7 Review

        Hey folks!!! Here we are at the end of season 7 already. It seemed to fly by this year...I don't know why it seemed so short but-- oh *ahem* right. Well we've come to a close with the longest episode in game of thrones history and you know what? It really didn't feel like it. There were so many reunions to have, plots to tie up, it seemed to fly by at an alarming pace. But here we are, with winter upon us and (it would seem) we may have to wait two whole years to tie this all up! I'm so conflicted about this I don't know where to begin, WRITE GEORGE, WRITE LIKE THE WIND! Anyways... let's go over this packed season finale episode...

        Open up on my man GW and his Unsullied forces outside of King's Landing. They are joined by the Dothraki Horde and Bronn and Jaime are chatting about what life would be like without a cock. Oh the pain. I am a sucker for the banter, however intentionally low-brow. Then we get a nice look at Euron's fleet who has returned from their voyage around the continent apparently. So both Unsullied and Greyjoy army just gave up Casterly Rock I guess? What was the purpose of the barricade? How is Greyworm doing? Is Missandei glad to know the Unsullied are alive? Oh well. Speaking of cockless, hey, it's Theon and Varys! They're on a boat to KL with Tyrion and they're all congregating around the Dragon pit to get on with this ridiculous zombie heist plot. They've brought all their armies, they're showing all their forces, so now there are some stakes in case things go awry. Now all the major players are together in one place including Tyrion, Bronn, Pod, The Hound, Brienne, Jon, Theon, Jorah, Davos, and more. They are, in case we need reminding, there to convince Cersei that the army of the dead is a threat to the living. I don't know why they need for Cersei to help, but since when has any of this needed to be logical.

 Highlights of this opening segment:

"There's more work in the city, and the brothels are far superior." Amen, Tyrion.

Tyrion, Bronn, and Pod all reconnect and it's a lovely reunion and it touched my inner fanboy to see them all together.

The Hound and Brienne meet eyes and speak concerning Arya which was nice. They are in mutual admiration for each other and again my inner fanboy squirmed around remembering times when this show told stories rather than did ...whatever they are about to do.

THE DRAGONPIT.
        Lol at Bronn playing escort and then stealing someone else's squire to get the hell off set because he and Lena Heady have it in their contracts to never be in the same scene together. Still not the worst instance of GoT having characters suddenly need to be someplace else entirely from moment to moment.
        Cersei's entrance hymn then starts playing and all the other wrestlers in the ring know she's about to come through with her gown from Hot Topic, also with Jaime kowtowed behind, and Euron as his typical cocky Brojoy self.
        Then we get this awful fan service scene with the Hound and Ser Gregor and it's so clumsy and not needed. A simple look between the two would have served fine. Suddenly (as if anyone couldn't predict it) Dany comes flying in to the Dragon pit. Here she is to strike fear in the hearts of...oh, awkward, nobody really seems afraid of these giant atomic lizards flying around. It's just a casual waste of CGI to remind everyone how bad@ss Dany is without her having to open her mouth and remind what a bland character she's become. Let's get this meeting underway. Everyone present and accounted for? Good.
        Euron has an outburst and then all the major players get to bounce back a few pithy lines before they bring out the dead (Monty Python reference for those of you who care). So the zombie pops out of the box with a nice jump scare. "We can destroy them with fire or we can destroy them with dragon class." says Jon. "There is only one war that matters, the Great War, and it is here." So all that Winter is Coming Stark nonsense that made all the northerners sound like suspicious coots finally has some validity to the southern knights of summer. About damn time.
        Euron is apparently too afraid to deal with this and he bounces, Jon has a moment of prideful arrogance and announces public fealty to Dany. It doesn't end well. Cersei leaves and refuses to help the "side of the living," and then Tyrion decides to take it upon himself to sway her so this way we can actually get some quality scenes in with character building and emotion and that type of thing.

Tyrion and Jaime: "I suppose we should say goodbye one idiot to another"

KING'S LANDING

        Tyrion approaches Cersei. Their exchanges are always some of the best this show has ever had to offer and it was an exchange well worthy of these two brilliant actors. Though it was undercut with this feigned sense of danger that just didn't need to be there. When you are having your characters talk about "oh this is dangerous I'm gonna die," they probably aren't. Did anyone think that Tyrion's plot armor could possibly be penetrated in those moments? That aside this scene was old school Game of Thrones power play with two wonderful actors exchanging soliloquies and insults and are very clearly hiding their true intentions from one another.
        So Cersei comes out and changes her mind, she's going to send her armies North to Winterfell. So we basically farted around for 10 minutes just for a false sense of suspense. I did enjoy the Tyrion Cersei scene but, as par for this season goes, the payoff of her sudden mood swing made it feel contrived.
        Cut to Dany and Jon not being subtle at all about laying plot points of Dany possibly having children. Why would Jon have reason to doubt that Dany can't have kids? That's absolutely ridiculous. Also the show never expressly says she will never bear children again does it? Pretty sure the witch only ever said "only death can pay for life."
        Continuing our soap opera writing, Cersei gives us another dun dun dun plot twist and has actually made Euron go to Essos to hire the Golden Company and apparently never intended to send any troops north. She was just lying for the sake of lying. Anyways it's more telling rather than showing in this visual medium. No, no it's fine. Why didn't Cersei just send Euron to begin with? Why did Euron even show up at all to the meeting if he was going to Essos to hire the Golden company? Cersei could have just not revealed his whereabouts to her enemy and he could have left ages ago. I guess it was to fool Jaime and her commanders as well? So Jaime then tries to talk Cersei into her senses and we get an almost identical scene with Jaime as we did with Tyrion. Right down to the empty Sir Gregor threat; again, nobody thought Cersei would actually harm Jaime so we feel nothing. The thing that kills me the most is that this little tiny plot point is what sends Jaime to finally leave his sister...the fact that she threatened him and conspired with Euron. Not her coldness towards their dead children, not her tendency to blow up giant religious and historical landmarks and kill thousands of innocent people...It's the colluding with pirates.
        Well, they just needed him to get out of King's Landing and join "the good guys" so we can get a really cool shot of him riding solo with the snow falling on King's Landing and a boy's chorus humming melodies we recognize. It's well produced and the cinematography is astounding...but again, it's a very hallow character shift that should have been dealt with many episodes ago. If they had gone with the idea that Cersei claims the Sept blowing up was an "accident," or even that Dany and her dragons were somehow responsible, it might have worked, but Jaime sticking by her side this long withour us getting a hint of conflict from his character, and then him just buggering off...yeah, not good writing.
         Anyway, why is he putting a glove on his golden hand...gold doesn't rust, and it's not like he can feel it freeze I literally laughed aloud when they showed that. If it was symbolic of him "covering the shame of Lannister gold" or something...well it was lost in translation. I have a feeling I'm adding way too much subtext than that scene deserves though. Anyways, this is supposedly a triumphant moment for Jaime but it really falls flat. I want to feel something. I know I'm supposed to. PLEASE!

WINTERFELL

        Sansa is mad that Jon bends the knee. Littlefinger tries to plant more suspicions in her head. With all the machinations and surprisingly well crafted dialogue and the bombastic "dun dun dun!" music, I'm almost swept up into the drama of actually thinking Sansa might believe Arya to be betraying her. Well done. I mean Arya's been clearly out of character all season and I admittedly jumped to conclusions thinking they were going to pull some dumb crap with my Arya. Instead, I guess it was all some dumb ploy to...expose Littlefinger? But he hadn't been acting any different from how he's been acting the past 4 seasons so why now?
        Sansa stands up on the ramparts in a hoody for a really cool shot of winter in the north and then she demands Arya to come to the great hall. There are a lot of holes here. Did we miss a scene between Sansa and Arya because we sure as hell needed it. I don't buy this setup. One moment Arya was saying the creepiest sh!t imaginable to her sister and the next she's going to devise some false trial and turn it around on Littlefinger?
        Basically what happens next is they murdered a man with only hyperbole and hearsay to go off of. Without due process, they went off the words of children and slit his throat. "Give me a chance to defend myself." No, because vengeance from empowered women is bad@ss and false character acts and soap opera twists are way cooler. Won't the honorable Ned Stark be proud of his knife-happy daughters. "How do you answer these charges *turns to camera* LORD BAELISH." Yuck.
        You know, if you watched that scene out of context you'd think the Stark girls were evil. Think about it, a group of people in positions of power surrounding a man and sentencing him to death with not so much as a thought. I know the guy was a scumbag and a conniving little power-grabber, but how can you claim to be a more righteous person without giving him a fair shot at a trial? Littlefinger literally says "none of you were there" and then Bran just says another quote from season 1 but that doesn't actually mean anything. They can't just convict a man based on a magical teenager's visions that nobody else can see but him. Are there no prison cells in Winterfell? Ugh. Very disappointing, underwhelming and rushed ending to a beloved villain.
         Arya and Sansa had apparently became friends again off screen and are now reminding everyone how strong and capable they each are. I find myself wondering at this point, didn't Arya give Sansa the dagger? So how did Arya end up with the dagger again? Am I supposed to try and make sense of it or am I supposed to just stare at the snowscape from atop the parapets and feel stuff? If I abandon all reason and do that, I find myself almost moved by their reminiscing of Ned Stark, but I wish they would have actually learned a lesson from him about "honor" instead of letting vengeance get the better of the two girls as it has time and time again. They're, again, intelligent young women in positions of power so you'd think their story would have been more of them rooting out an actual plan where Littlefinger is trying to get the Lords to conspire against them because of all the craziness happening in the world (LF thrives on chaos), and they work together to stop him? At the end of the day I think that they dumbed down LF in order to make a thin plot work, and that sucks. Oh well, Winterfell is so pretty and so are the vengeful, catty Stark girls. The end.

DRAGONSTONE

        Dany's council decide to sail north. She's going to meet with all the Northern lords in Winterfell so we'll see how that plays out. About time Jon checks back in with Winterfell for sh!t sake, he's been back and forth from the wall like three times and doesn't seem to even care how things are going aside from a few texts to his sister. "Oh ps. we have a new queen. l.y.l.a.s. -Jon."
        Then Theon gets permission to go after his sister. I love Theon so so so so so so much. Though I'm getting a bit tired of these hackneyed "I've done such bad things man. Me too, we've all done bad things man." scenes. It always leads the characters down the same stupid rabbit holes. Reminiscing and coming to terms with one's past is one thing but not every reunion has to be some slick meta commentary does it?
       "I always wanted to do the right thing." says Theon in typical Alfie Allen fashion, layered with such a vulnerable sense of remorse and a deep need to understand himself. I guess his speech to Theon about being Greyjoy and a Stark is nice foreshadowing for Jon's gripping with being Stark and Targaryen, but did you have to literally spell that thematic parallel out for us in such a tactless way? "You're a Greyjoy and you're a Stark." Why can't he just be Theon? Wouldn't that be a somewhat interesting revelation for him to realize that he's been struggling with his identity for so long with Stark, Greyjoy, Reek, that he realizes that he doesn't have to placate to all these rules, all these identities. He can at last be simply Theon, brother to Yara and he can go wherever he needs to go and do what is needed of him and help the ones he cares about. I think they might have tried to do that arc at one point, but, like with Jaime, they need to stall and circle back with characters because they don't have time to give them all "stories".
        So Theon has this beach battle with some random Ironborn that I'm giving a name to a face: let's call him Nute because I always liked that book character. Nute kicks Theon's @ss but then tries to finish him off by nailing him in the balls but wOooOo he doesn't have any! I feel like getting punted in the gory gash where you were mutilated would still hurt though...like a lot. No? Well Theon wins. How is this any kind of redemption though? He rolls over to the brutally violent Ironborn culture and "earns their respect" by beating a guy to death? I know that they don't respect him and they all think he's a craven and the Ironborn follow only the strong and pay the Iron price, but does this really have to be the way he gets his "manhood back"? Like he can't just say "Screw you guys, you're a bunch of sickly reavers who gave me over to Ramsey at the drop of a hat. I'm going after my sister with or without your help." Wouldn't that be an interesting power play? That he oversteps their macho-ness so he can save his sister and then the Ironborn soldiers all come to realize that their love for Yara is far more important than whether or not Theon abandoned ship in order to save her? I mean, none of them saw him jump overboard, they are just assuming it... and not only that, but this cowardly act ended up saving her life, so isn't that worth something?
        I'm glad he's going back for Yara at least. His Theon re-redemption arc will hopefully be complete and he can set out to save Yara as she set out to save him. For continuity purposes, Theon saw Euron "head to the Iron Islands" so that sure as sh!t better be where he's heading. I'm tired of all these characters knowing exactly where their enemies will end up, I thought Bran was the only one who could do that.

WINTERFELL/ R+L=A

       Sam has come to Winterfell so he can have one scene with Bran. He walks into Bran's room with all the purpose that the plot begs of him. "You're a good man, Charlie Brown" Bran says to Sam because his character knows everything in the most uninteresting way plausible. "I'm not sure that I am," he responds just as awkwardly as anyone would when such a strange, fellating comment is directed at them from someone they've only ever seen one time. "I'm the three eyes raven now," says Brandroid for the eight-millionth time. Then comes the big reveal that we are already well aware of because the show decided to expose that revelation already in a go-nowhere scene with Gilly so there is really no mystery in it: The marriage between Rhaegar and Lyanna is legit. So this plot hole is perhaps the most frustrating one of all. Why is Sam here? It can't be to reveal about Rhaegar's marriage, because he doesn't even remember that until Bran tells him about Jon's parentage, and that's something that could have just been sent via raven anyways. This scene reveals that indeed, Sam's entire season was just plot service. Doesn't matter though, because R+L=J or rather R+L=A because Jon's name was intended to be Aegon and that's, I'm told, exciting.
        Here's a thought: why didn't you have Bran Warging at the Rhaegar wedding while Gilly was uncovering that potentially groundbreaking news? Then we. as an audience could have had at least something to go along with that huge reveal instead of you just winking at the camera in the 5th episode while Sam pouted about having a stupid plot? Now you just have Sam conveniently walking in to speak with Bran only in service to exposing things that we already know, and there is absolutely no weight to any of this information because, as I've said time and again, these two characters are no longer characters themselves, just plot tools, so we don't really care about their exchanging of information. I suppose it's fitting that their last scene is them finding one another, these walking plot tools, and having one last disappointing exposition scene before we close out the season.
        This is all awkwardly cut over by Kit Harrington's man @ss suddenly pile-driving the Dragon Queen. Apparently Dany invited Jon to her cabin to bone but we don't get any kind of build up unless you count the last 6 episodes of terribly, terribly forced onscreen chemistry and dull conversations that they shoved down our throats. No first kiss, no sexual tension, just..."the fans expect this so..."
          George Martin's carefully crafted A Game of Thrones, with all its subtle hints, and all its complex plot weaving is tossed out the window so we can get to fan service sex and zombie battles in between meandering characterizations and cringe-worthy dialogue. I think I had the same despondent, ill-willed face as Tyrion had when he was creepily listening to the fumblings and moanings of Jon and Dany, but I don't know what we are supposed to take away from him witnessing this, unless we are just supposed to gear up for more boring scenes of Tyrion chastising Dany for stuff. Oy, I hope not.
        So Dany and Jon f@ck. Boy if ever there was a duller sex scene. There was no dialogue between these two characters because, well the writers have nothing profound or sentimental or romantic to say unless coupled with glib undertones or a "shocking death" waiting around the corner, so they don't even write a scene for our two (sort of) main characters. He just knocks on her door and gives her "the look" because we don't have time to develop a passionate love affair between them, just small talk and Bran's voiceover as the soundtrack for this Song of Ice and Fire. I'm so moved. Talk about the worst decision to make this huge reveal into bland cut scenes and flashback.
        Last year's Jon snow "reveal" was strange enough because it only worked out of context of the show and if you were watching it with a friend like me who read the books and spent hours researching R+L=J theories. But as far as the actual given show material is concerned, they negate all connection between Jon and Lyanna and wait until now for Bran to beat us over the head with something that they could have given honest exposition to last year.We never are actually given exposition to the fact that Jon is Tararyen until aunt and nephew are copulating, so any and all viewings in 100 years, people watching season 6 will be baffled at the cut scene, and people watching season 7 will be bored to tears with Jon and Dany, and then utterly repulsed at the sudden incestuous cut scene. 
        To end the season, the Night King Burns down the wall with some pretty stunning visuals but as a book reader I'm offended because I thought there was supposedly some epic magic that Bran was supposed to unearth that would lead to the calamity and fall of the Wall. Oh well, CGI was cool. I think that's been their general feel for the scenes this year so it's fitting that they ended the season on that note: messy, chaotic cut scenes with no dialogue and crazy expensive CGI dragons.  The army of the dead has arrived, finally. We made it through what I can now safely call the most incongruent, rushed and nonsensical season of Game of Thrones to date. We made it.  

-CjM


  

Episode 6 Review!

SPOILERS AHEAD Y'ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Okay episode six comes to a close with one of the biggest reveals in the entire series and I think we are all speechless. So let's get into it. From here on in, there be dragons.

        Ice Dragons! Many had been long speculating this for George's novels and it's funny...there were a lot of teasers and promo posters and things of Ice Dragons for Season 7 that got everyone in a frenzy but it was hard to imagine this actually happening. It was never made clear if they were fan-made or not...but either way the prophecy has come true (for the show, anyway): Viserion has been killed and will be the Night King's steed. This is huge. I was very impressed with all the action sequences in the episode. Obviously they went to great lengths to ensure this be a grand visual spectacle. I'm still not sold on why they decided to go through with this ridiculous plan in the first place, but here we are. I'm admittedly swept up in the big reveal and considerably less salty than last week, but of course, as par for this season, this episode still committed a laundry list of cringe-worthy moments concerning exposition, forced dialogue and contrived devices. Let's get into it.

BEYOND THE WALL PT. 1

        We open with some bro bonding and discussion about how it's cold. Well maybe if y'all brought some hats along with you...never mind, not important. This segment is filled with some fun character moments and quotes including, but not limited to:  

"Walking's good, fighting's better, fucking's best."
                                                                                       -Tormund Giantsbane

"You're winging. This one's been killed six times and you don't hear him bitching about it."
                                                                                        - The Hound

(Because being sold off and then sexually abused is funny when it happens to men because Mal has a nice pair of tits! So much for Sandor's character redemption lol. )

And how about this exchange between Tormund and the Hound:

"Want me to suck your dick?
"My what? "
"Cock.
"Oh. Dick, I like it."
"Bet you do." (plays laugh track)

This is followed by some fan service about Tormond being in love with Brienne.
     
        So if we are going to spend all this time on this ridiculously nonsensical journey, I'm glad the conversations are at least...fun? I mean if you parallel the jovial nature of this misadventure to the painfully forced "Catiness" happening in Winterfell, it's absolutely atrocious but hey...we can't have the whole thing be so tonally dramatic, right? It appears that all that drama they set up of nobody in the group getting along wasn't foreshadowing, just filler, because they seem like a rag-tag group of old war buddies to me. Amazing that they resolve their (several) differences in a thirty second scene while Arya and Sansa have been wandering around hissing at one another for the entire season, but more on that later.  
        Mixed in with the sit-com banter scenes there is some good dialogue from Beric (You and I aren't going to have much fun while we're here. Death is the enemy. The first and the last. The enemy always wins, but we still have to fight it.) that leads me to believe that our lightning lord isn't long for this world, sadly. They also decide to address Longclaw with Jon and Jorah. It was a bit funny to have Jon bring it up, seeing as how it was in plain sight for their entire journey north. Fine. I'm glad they are addressing it though.
        Jon offers him Longclaw (which probably would have been a better thing to do before they left for a suicide mission that he needed a weapon for) and Jorah rejects it knowing that he brought shame to the Mormont name. I don't know why Jon seems to want to cozy up to Jorah and be nice to him...I mean they literally have had 2 scenes together where the main focus wasn't even about them. All Jon knows about Jorah is that he sold slaves and betrayed Dany and ha(d) Greyscale. Oh well! Here's your family heirloom!
         Another layer that perhaps I'm stretching with a bit, is the subtext about Jorah seeing that Dany has begun to develop feelings for him (Jon), and Jorah is, in a weird traditional way, "giving Jon his blessing." Not that Jon or Dany need to have it, but they need to have some narrative recognition of Jorah's love for the woman Jon is clearly about to be with. Perhaps, again I'm adding layers to this surface scene that simply aren't there, but Jorah has been the closest thing to a father that Dany has ever known, and would they had spent more time actually developing on-screen chemistry between Jon and Dany, instead of having every other damn character in the show reinforce the notion that they are crushing on each other, then this scene between Jorah and Jon might naturally have had that subtext without me trying to desperately search for some layered narrative meaning. It might be that Ian Glenn knows how to give such powerful, expressive reactions, and deliver lines like "and your children after you," as though he's discovered the secret to all human emotion and is only aloud 5 words to express the thought...I know that's a lot to unpack from one line of dialogue, and most of this season has been completely surface level intrigue and emotion, but you can't keep me from making things more interesting than they probably are! Yeah okay, the scene is probably just about the sword.  
       

WINTERFELL

        Cryptic Arya is just a mess. Why is this longwinded monologue being directed at Sansa? Why are we poisoning all these fond memories of Arya realizing who she wants to become just so we can squeeze out contrived drama? Well, we need for Arya to bring up her hatred of the Lannisters in order for this plot to make sense. So let's tie in Sansa's thin connection with them to which she was a political prisoner and abuse victim and blame her for the downfall of the Starks. Will do. The annoying thing is that it's a well-written, well delivered monologue but it's just used as a device to pour on the Sansa hate. After all Arya's training, and growing and understanding of how twisted and manipulative people are, she's just out to tear down her sister in a way that's almost more characteristic for Littlefinger. Is that why Arya doesn't trust Sansa? Because she knows Littlefinger is treacherous and figures that Sansa may be easily manipulated by Littlefinger? Why not just tell Sansa this? Tell Sansa about when you were a cup-bearer for Tywin and Littlefinger walked in...I mean that scene is something that's in the show only, so why not use it to your advantage? But rather than Arya being level headed and investigative, she has become a naive, accusatory, irrational little monster.
        The Starks are not kin slayers, so the fact that they are making this long-forgotten note into a season-long plot is deeply frustrating. I wish they got this arguing out of the way when they first reunited. The reunion at Winterfell was so flat and uneventful, they might as well have just went with this melodramatic mood from the start. It was too long a build up and this slogging plot of "sibling strife" has offered the audience absolutely nothing while simultaneously butchering these two characters. It's as if Arya has spent 6 seasons laying awake at night thinking about how much she hates the way Sansa looks in her pretty dresses. As if she's been indefatigably pining for the day she can return to Westeros and kill Sansa. She hasn't, in case you were keeping score. She has better things to do like...ohhhhh maybe that list that has been at the center of her character arc since season 2? Again I ask from the rooftops "Why did Arya even bother coming back home?" 
        Also, every time the show refers to the battle for Winterfell as the Meme-erific Battle of the Bastards, I die a little bit. The fandom calls it that, not the f@cking lady of Winterfell. Also, why isn't Sansa allowed to have nice things? How many times are you going to criticize her for being traditionally feminine? Are we going to even the playing field and start calling you Arya horse face the way everyone did in the books?  Are you still holding onto when Sansa lied in front of the King and then they had her Direwolf executed as punishment for your wolf maiming the prince? Nice. You've really grown a lot.
       Book Arya is actually jealous of Sansa because she views her as the perfect embodiment of female--Sansa is just like her mother, even prettier. I always found Arya's struggle so empathetic, not because she's some alpha fem with a vendetta against pretty girls, but because she's struggling to find her place, her role in a society that is clearly not built for her to succeed. That's why we love Arya and that's why George is constantly praised for his feminist characters.  I thought this show was hailed as being "super feminist," as well. Is that all it takes? Having some tomboy shaming other women for daring to be more feminine than they are? Got it.
        Sansa is then consulting with LF and she's nervous that the Lords will betray her if Arya shows them a letter written 5 years ago that we are supposed to believe would have any relevance at all. Littlefinger not so subtly suggests to her that she could have Brienne "protect her," which, yeah, thanks.
        Sansa goes snooping around and finds Arya's faces in her laptop bag. Arya catches her sister and gives us another slowburning, unmotivated tension-fest where she basically threatens Sansa's life and tells her to make the first move. Is it a test? Well either way it's full on fan fiction at this point because Sansa is not on Arya's list, and Arya is showing all her cards all at once, right away, to officially be in the running for the worst assassin in Westeros. Arya is now blackmailing her sister, but to what end? If this is all some plot to expose Littlefinger, they need to hurry up and do that before they destroy these two characters for good.
        Arya then hands Sansa the dagger after frightening her. Is this to instill fear in Sansa or is this meant to inspire her to "do what needs to be done?" There is a hint of intrigue here and then it sputters out with another note (so many great plot devices!) that Sansa receives from Cersei beckoning her (why?) to King's Landing. So Sansa is sending Brienne in her stead because she thinks Little Finger is trying to get her to kill Arya, thus sending the North into chaos. Or am I overthinking that and they just want to throw stupid road blocks in the way to create a faux sense of danger at the expense of logic? Anyway, Sansa is seemingly trying to be sensible and trust-worthy to her sister because it's really the only move she has. Is there any way Sansa can have a plotline where she's not being backed into a corner by people she thought she cared for? Oh well.
         Some people were speculating that the note was made up, but I think that would be pretty unwise to send Brienne into enemy territory. She would be killed. I believe this letter from Cersei to be real, simply because the series doesn't have time to explain why Sansa would concoct such a plan. They have to stick with surface level intrigue. Why Sansa isn't at all suspicious of why Cersei would be organizing some grand meeting in King's Landing, I don't know. I feel like if your direct enemy (unless all this silly war stuff is just forgiven) sends you an invitation to something, you laugh at it and toss it in the hearth. In either case, she sends Brienne away in service to the plot, which may or may not lead to Brienne's and her own death. Alrighty.

DRAGONSTONE

        Alrighty let's continue trying to convince the audience through the eyes of other characters other than Jon and Dany, that Jon is in love with Dany. This time it's Tyrion who bears the burden of the cringe-worthy seed planting. Then Dany makes some offhanded comment about not liking short men, which of course Tyrion takes offensive to, being particularly small himself. Other than that, this scene is just more gravy in case you couldn't already tell that Dany and Tyrion aren't seeing eye to eye (see, I can make tactless dwarf-related puns too.). What's confusing about these scenes is that they always start off reminding the audience how great and wonderful Tyrion is, and how much Dany respects him, but then she spends 10 minutes arguing with all his points, and refusing to listen to his council. So here we are again, with Dany and Tyrion in plot prison because if they were actually given something constructive to do (are they still in a war or...?) then Dany wouldn't be able to stick around for the obvious plot development. The only problem is that Dany is all the way down on Dragonstone, probably more than a thousand miles away from Jon+ Company...
        What needs to happen with the Dany/ Tyrion story arch is that they need to decide who's story it will become. At this point, both characters have become uninteresting shells of who they once were because they are seemingly on pause for plot reasons. For now, Dany continues to be deeply suspicious of Tyrion for daring to voice his opinion and make logical sense. I feel like I'm repeating myself. Oh. It's because the same story problems occurring in the Dany/Tyrion plot are a direct mirror of the problems happening with Arya/Sana and with Jaime and Cersei. While all the other plots move at lightning speed, and characters fast travel to wherever the plot demands them to end up, their character arcs are trapped in limbo.  

An aside: I'm glad they are addressing the Tarly incident. It might  just be them covering their tracks for treating characters like plot devices this season but at least they addressed it.

BEYOND THE WALL: THE BEAR

        The reason this entire "Beyond the Wall" segment is void of drama and such a disconnect for the audience is because they aren't there out of consequence, they aren't there because they have no other option, they are up north of the wall due to some thirty second musings from Tyrion. In the last episode, he putters around the stone table and just says "hey, here's a crazy idea!" and the rest just go with it. In the past, Game of Thrones delivers consequences to brash, nonsensical thinking...now they are reveling in the spectacle as though we are watching Saturday morning cartoons.
        Thoros is attacked by a pretty cool zombie bear. This is an exciting action sequence and there's a hint of irony that it's Thoros who saves the hound from the inflamed bear and gets mortally wounded. But the hound freezing up because of his fear of fire is never addressed for the rest of the episode. Thoros seems fine after his bear wounds are cauterized Revenant-style, but yeah nobody calls out Sandor for this fatal character flaw that eventually causes Thoros to die...no arc, no remorse, just...well that happened.
         In the next segment, he's walking with the others as if his wounds from earlier were actually just cramps. They then stumble across a party of wights. These wights are led by a Walker and heading single file to conveniently check out the trap that was sent for them. At least I think that's what we are intended to think? Jon kills the Walker and then all the rest of the wights fall dead save one. They catch it by tossing a burlap bag over it and then SUDDENLY! They are overwhelmed by the army of the dead for their final boss fight.

Here's where the nonsense takes full flight.

        Gendry Olympic sprints all the way back to the Wall to "send a raven to Daenerys". Care to tell us why? Is it to tell Dany sh!t she already knew? That the dead were coming? Why didn't she just come in the first place? So she could sit around and argue with Tyrion?
        The party runs out into an island in the middle of a frozen lake because how can we have the "behind enemy lines" trope complete without getting trapped and surrounded? And that's what we do. We sit and wait between cut scenes to establish a passage of time. For the first time in the entire season, they go out of their way to establish that time has passed. So Gendry Baratheon, whose nickname is now "the fastest," has to run all the way back to the wall. But no sweat. He makes it. So Davos sends a raven to Daenerys which apparently says:

        "Hey you have to fly like a thousand miles up north to some lake deep beyond the wall because the dead army has surrounded Jon+Friends right on the one yard line. You have to go risk everything with you, and all three of your dragons in order to save Jon, for whom at this point I have no idea why you would have any narrative purpose to do so."

        But dammit if she doesn't get a sudden burst of energy and do just that! She flew to the reach and back with no consequences, and Drogon seems to be absolutely fine after getting a giant scorpion bolt in the shoulder, so wait until you see her next trick! She hops on Drogon looking like Elsa from frozen and flies off!
        At this point, Thoros has frozen to death and the dead have attacked our magnificent seven (six) and it's a super bad@ss sequence if you ignore the logistics. How long have they been sitting there, days? Weeks? Well the lake freezes over again and they run to attack. Lots of hacking and slashing fun commences. Our heroes can't possibly make it out alive! Unless of course the scene right before this has anything to do with -- oh it's Dany to the rescue!! Seemingly weeks later because that's how long it would take to run back to the wall, send a raven all the way to Dragonstone, then fly beyond the wall... Dany arrives in the nick of time.
        Had this plan been laid out ahead of time and not come out of nowhere bending all rules of travel and time, it might have actually been satisfying. There was no reason for Dany not to have at least gone to the wall with them last episode, I mean all they did with her was have another conversation with Tyrion which, again, could have been had at the wall. Well, let it go, because Elsa is on her dragons roasting wights and we are lifting the choppers out of here--but oh no! Jon is all blood thirsty and won't stop killing wights, dang it. They stick around just long enough for the Night King to make an attack. Instead of attacking Drogon, and the entire party including Dany and Jon, he rolls a nat. 20 on his special ability and bam! Viserion goes down. All they had to do to make this more interesting was have Viserion fly at the White Walkers and the Night King. This way we can see that our heroes actually know what the f@ck they are doing, and it gives cause for the Night King to attack Viserion rather than Drogon and the party. Let's pretend that happened...Woah, isn't that sufficiently more dramatic because we saw our enemy being frightened by these beasts, and were given a payoff with Viserion's death? Awesome. So the party flies away and leaves Jon because he's the hero, which is expressly a turn-off on Dany's OKWesteros profile.
        There is more to this adventure for some reason. All the tropes you can imagine. They fly away and one hero (Jorah) almost falls off and then is grabbed before the camera can even catch up it, then Jon is knocked into the frigid water but, much like Jaime's cliff hanger, we know Jon will be fine. How you ask? How about another deus ex machina scene where Benjen shows up for 12 seconds to give him his horse! Jon won't freeze to death either because, well, I don't know. Do we need this?
        My only theory is that Jon needed to see Benjen as a narrative reveal that Jon will end up just like Benjen. Jon is undead. I know the show doesn't care about this major plot development and character trait/flaw but Jon is undead. So is Benjen. And since they spend absolutely zero screen time exposing any of what that is like, I can only speculate this point. It might just be that D&D wrote themselves into another corner and wanted to give the audience something extra to fret about, but they aren't the type of show runners known to do that, are they? In the past, they've used deus ex machina not in a cheap way, but in a rewarding payoff of entire season-long plots. The Lannisters and Tyrells joining forces to save Tyrion & Co in the Battle of the Blackwater, or Stannis coming to save the Night's Watch from the wildlings because Mal told him where the real war is to be waged, or the knights of the Vale coming to win Winterfell after Sansa plotted for a season with Littlefinger, who we never thought could be trusted to do a damn thing. The device does not feel cheap when reason and narrative payoff are the main ingredient, the devices used in this episode just feels like cheap excuses to get from A-Z .
         
        EASTWATCH

        Dany is upset (sort of, I guess) about her Dragon dying and then Jon comes roaming up to the wall on his faithful steed. In his recovery bed, the dragon queen goes to him. Jon wakes up and we bear witness to the biggest, ungodly cringe-fest that this show has ever offered. So Daenerys comes in and gets a peak at his yummy hairless pecs I mean his stab wound and she thinks "So he did take a knife to the heart? Innnnnnteresting." Jon then wakes up and apologizes because he's a guy and that's just apparently something guys do unprompted. In reality he should wake up and say "I F@CKING TOLD YOU SO," but hey, I'm projecting. Dany's Dragon just died and so Jon has to be super nice even though Dany doesn't seem to care. She came to their rescue after their ridiculous plan fell through, and now she's lost one of her "children," so now we have to be nice. But she is seemingly far more affected by Jon Snow being (plot)hurt than she was when shedding her crocodile tears for Viserion, and one is left to wonder...was this whole plot really just a stupid excuse to ship (get it, they're ON A SHIP) Jon and Dany. Ugh.
        Then something happened that made this cringe-fest the most cringiest of cringe. Jon refers to Dany as "Dany," and my stomach violently turned. I think it was supposed to be cute? I think it was supposed to draw a parallel between Jon and Viserys (Jon is her nephew after all) but all it made me want to do was curl up into a ball and die. They put us through that moment simply to get us onto the subject of "Well what shall I call you, Father Aunt Mary" (I'm really proud of that layered pun I just threw at you) and he decides that, despite this entire season, despite the northern lords, and despite all the reasons given why he won't do it...he's going to bend the knee and call her his Queen. Then they hold hands and, kids, that's how I met your aunt mother.
           The ENd.

            Wait no! Cut to beyond the wall.
         
        The dead are pulling the dragon out of the frozen lake. Where did they got the chains? That I'm less concerned about I guess, but how did they get the chains on the dragon? These things require planning and logic, but then why would we need that? This is all in service to the payoff which my inner fanboy jumped for joy. And Smaug becomes an ice dragon...I mean...Viserion. This is almost an identical shot of the end of AN Unexpected Journey, but hey. Blue eyed, undead dragon. Cut to black. Sweet.
        So episode 6 is officially in the books and I'm starting to think their advertising campaign was a sham because they promised up a bunch of lengthy episodes with sprawling set pieces and, well, I don't like being that type of demanding fan so whatever. I don't care if you use paper dragons and plastic swords, just make your writing cohesive and logical, and give respect to the characters and the world you've created. That's all.
        I think this season suffered greatly with the foolish decision to have only 7 episodes. The sprawling world, the exciting road shows, the clashing of personalities and the intimate character moments either do not exist, or they exist in such a fast pace, that all weight is lifted from these moments entirely. Jon + Dany go from refusing to bend the knee, to having dull history lessons in caves, to now suddenly being in love? Sana and Arya go from estranged lost siblings with clear purpose and emotion, to bitter, scheming little monsters without hardly any cause. They aren't growing, they aren't having anything new happen to them, they're all just there for filler, quite honestly, until Jon comes back into their lives. The main issue, as I've said before is that they spend so much screen time with fabricated exposition, spectacle and fluff, and then when it comes time to have significant plot revelations or touching moments, or anything that requires a bit of tact, or time, or weight...it falls flat. The ten episode formula worked. It gave us breathing room, it gave the plot time to settle, and it gave the characters time to react and deal with the consequences of whatever it was that just happened to them. With such nonsensical story telling you risk breaking the trust that your audience once had in you as an author. For me that trust has been broken and I think with this episode above all others, Game of Thrones has jumped the dragon.      

See you next week for the finale where we're going to have to wrap up like 8 plots that have gone untouched for 3 episodes!

-CjM