Escape

 Dear Reader,

               Happy Saturday. Another beautiful late February day. I know I'm supposed to be "globally conscious" and weary that the Earth has a fever and is subtly telling us to change our ways, (whatever those ways are can be argued at length) but dammit I can't help but enjoy the day today. I'm at a coffee shop in lovely little Lennox here, continuing, as I told you to read Ethan Frome. I guess you could say that's a bit "on the nose" or "typical" or "basic"... but I'd argue that those are easy labels and there is no better place to be to escape into writing and reading tales about the Berkshires-- "When in Rome!"... I'd also say "Why are we arguing? Can't we escape this swill of judgement for just one day and enjoy the sunshine before the planet eliminates our species the way it has eliminated so many others in the past? Can't we? Can't we escape?"  
              That's a good topic to discuss today. Escape. Where do you, dear reader, escape to? I've already told you my escape, or have I? Well, I suppose, in many ways, it's this. Escaping into my writings and ramblings. And ramblings by the way is a double meaning for me, because I'm so F@CKING CLEVER. To go for a ramble, to "ramble on, " as Robert Plant would squawk. Of course, there is mentally escaping and physically escaping, which I suppose was the original proposal of my asking. Where do you go when you need to escape? Where are you at the moment? Why do we feel the need to escape?
             We are constantly on the go aren't we, dear reader, you and I. I'm reminded of my oldest and dearest friend, let's call him Ponos (for Ponos is the Greek god of hard work.) He is my age and he has been all over the world. "You need to go to XYZ" he says like it's a sandwich shop in town or something. Oh no problem, let me just go do that with the nothingness that is my finances. That's what Ponos doesn't understand, is that ultimately, vacationing costs money--and that's what he does-- he vacations, because he has it. He is at a stage where his escaping is purely recreational. And why shouldn't he be able to? Ponos works hard. The difference though, between his hard work and mine, is that his work currently rewards him financially and mine has yet to (again, purely financially) give me a damn cent. The truth is that I'm jealous of my friend Ponos. He has made the "correct American decisions," if you will. See, I couldn't possibly afford to visit all the places that he has, at this point in my life at least, but ultimately I would like to. I believe, personally, that travelling and experiencing other cultures is the most profound way to grow as a person. You are thrust into an entirely unfamiliar region with a rich history, a history just as complex and interesting as the place you came from. I can think of no better way to truly grasp the fact that there is an existence outside of our tiny little perspective. I think he believes that too, but just presents it in a different way. I guess I just get jealous as I said, that he is experiencing so much traveling and "exploring" while I feel that I am left with only the ability to wander around aimlessly. I suppose I should just be happy being able to be in a  place that so many others would kill to be in, shouldn't I? To be so carefree and introspective at the moment when others are crippled with so many other things on top of what I am feeling...
           There is a word for that realization you have that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own, "sonder," I believe is the word. Not that you need to be on a different continent to fully comprehend or experience that feeling, but I believe it would provide a more poignant definition to the word, and a new perspective, at least, to your individual sonder-ized world.
             PERSPECTIVE that's it. That's why we escape. I often think it's to get away from myself when I "escape" into reading or writing or escaping to nature, but really it's just to recharge and understand that we need to trust our journey. We need clarity. It's hard being a human, isn't it? We are so intuitive and curious and fragile by nature, so it is easy for us to second guess ourselves in anything that we do.
            A thought dawned on me as I was vomiting my thoughts all over this page. There is no escape. Not really, anyway. Nomatter where we go, we are always stuck with our selves and our perception of existence. There is only ever exploring and growth. So try to escape, dear reader, and you will be found again. This thought might frighten you, or it might give you some delightful comfort. Maybe you completely disagree with me. That's fine, I've never claimed my babbling to be gospel. But solipsism states, if you subscribe to the notion, that the self is all that can be known to exist, so the only way to "escape" our thoughts or troubles or what-have-you-- is to face them, explore them, understand them, and grow out of them. Every thought is just an itch that needs to be scratched.
         Maybe I'm thinking too much, I can go on, can't I... I just wanted to know where you escape to and I ended up dissecting the very concept of "escapism". So I define escaping, so far anyways, as exploring outwardly and inwardly in order to find growth and perspective.
         There is one more thing that I want to address: hiding. F@ck. Sometimes that's how I see my escaping, dear reader; hiding.
         What from?
         Well, if we can't hide from ourselves, we must be hiding from our fears. Maybe we have to address our fears in order to get to the root of our urge to escape. Are we afraid of being lonely? Afraid of losing the ones we love? Afraid of failure? Afraid of not experiencing everything there is to experience? Maybe we all escape for different reasons.
         The main character I created in my novel is a cliched daydreamer when the story opens. He too, must escape, explore, hide, and grow. I don't honestly have an issue with "cliche character traits" as long as you make honest character growth and honest character reaction to the world you've created around that character. Besides, cliche is just another label, and it's not like that's his only character trait. Is it cliche to make characters that have two legs and two arms then? Is it cliche to have all your characters speak the same language... Anyway I'm defending something that doesn't call for defending. I've had too much coffee. Let me get back on track.

   "Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only by night."

-- E.A. Poe

          So what I'm saying dear reader, is we all have a need to escape, but we have to be conscious of whether that escape is coming from the urge to explore or the urge to hide, or both. Either way we should use this urge to escape as a chance to grow and learn. I hope I've left you with something to think about, even if it's "wow, this kid is over-analyzing a simple human urge to go different places." But, dear reader I think it's important to analyze the choices we make, and the places we go to when we feel trapped.
          It's still so beautiful out. Years ago, my friend Ponos and I would be together on a Saturday such as this and we'd be outside throwing the baseball around. Tomorrow is his birthday, funny enough, perhaps that's why he is so presently on my mind today. He is living across the country and I miss him. Perhaps I will explore the idea of journeying out to the west coast. Someday.
         I used to be so impulsive, dear reader. Now I find myself being so much more tentative. What I'd really like to escape from is this caffeine rush if I'm honest --but I'm glad to have explored it with you. I hope you are experiencing a nice weekend, and hope you are doing far more exploring than hiding when you escape. That's all. I'm escaping this blog for the rest of the weekend. Hopefully I'll finish my reading of Ethan Frome as well.

See you Monday!

-CjM