Inspired/Uninspired.

Dear Reader,

        Let's cut the pleasantries. I'm uninspired this morning. Maybe it's that I feel anxious. Maybe it's that I've been having a tough time staying off of Facebook, or The Forum as I call it. It really does have a hold on me and that blows. I've realized that I check it now just to feed my sense of moral outrage. From what stupid shit the Trump administration is planning, to what stupid shit the 3rd wave feminists are attempting to guilt me into. As we talked about before, there are unlimited distractions and vices to cling to that prevent you from achieving your goals, and we have to acknowledge them. Forget about your own anxious thoughts and fears and doubts, in today's modern society we have to deal with the thoughts and fears and doubts of the entire world. For me (at least) I've attempted to work through a lot of this angst through my writing. blahhhh f@ck.

        We have to find a permanent way to tap into our inspired self, or at least leave a trail of breadcrumbs so that our uninspired self can get back to the place it needs to be in order to work. But then I think "hey, maybe the uninspired days are all part of the process." They remind us what it's like to feel useless and fraudulent. They show us what it's like to live without our muses. Or is that just enabling laziness? What are your thoughts, dear reader? What inspires you?

        For me, and for many others that I have read, the thing that inspires them the most is (of course) other art and, more importantly, the work that they themselves put in. Often times we grow so attached to the work we do, and find the prospect of getting something wrong to be devastating, so we end up not creating anything at all. This is what we want to avoid. 

        There's also the very real possibility of us being too hard on ourselves, dear reader, don't you think? I know we want immediate success, immediate gratification... I think for me, that's part of the draw for something like Facebook or even the poisonous YouTube comment section-- the response are immediate, reactionary, and altogether harmful for anyone's daily mental health. You know those encounters you have at the grocery store with some idiot who wasn't paying attention or said something abhorrently offensive? They ruin your day, don't they?So we have now created an unfiltered climate of noise that is all at once privately induced yet publicly accessible. Scary. 

        Sorry to drone on with my point, dear reader, but I really do feel quite helpless today. It may be shamefulness and guilt for going on Facebook yesterday even though I was giving it up for lent. So I feel shame for not being able to hold to my integrity for something I swore off, I feel shame a sense of religious shame that comes with the territory of participating in any sort of religious ritual to be honest, and lastly I feel the inevitable shame that one feels after spending any given time on any sort of media platform. It's usually only after about 30 seconds or so that someone will tell you how awful you should feel being born white, being born a man, being born straight, being a slut, being born with all your limbs in tact, being born in America, being born at all... they call it "spreading awareness". I call it mass guilt tripping. 

        I'm reminded of that scene in game of thrones where Cersei Lannister is put through one of the most brutal walks of shame to have be fictionalized in our recent history. Back in ancient times, as far as reality and not Westeros is concerned-- those happened as a regular occurrence. There is a character called Septa Unella, a member of the female clergy in the fictional universe, if you are not familiar. During Cersei's "walk of atonement," the Septa stands behind her shouting "Shame, shame, shame, shame, shame!" --because you know...what Cersei did was far worse than forcibly parading her naked through the streets to prove what a whore she is. She is guilty of being a whore.

        Anyway, the reason I bring this obscure reference into calling, dear reader, is to draw attention to some of the political climate occurring in our country. I was watching a speech by a professor named Jordan Peterson. He has become famous on the internet lately for refusing to use words that he deems to be illogical, fantastical and demeaning to his language, but would allow "non binary" gendered individuals to feel accepted and not, as they put it, "persecuted". So dear reader, whether you believe his stance is commendable or not, what I want to draw attention to is the reaction he got from many of the "oppressed" students on the campus. He, a former Harvard professor and current professor at the University of Toronto in Canada, was making a speech. Many of the students gathering were protesting. They shouted "shame! shame! shame! shame!" over and over and even went as far at to sabotage his microphone rendering his speech ineffective. I'm not clear on the laws in Canada, but in the United States we have the first amendment, which allows for both the right to freedom of expression without persecution, and also the right to protest. This, as an artist, is what I fear the most: to be silenced, to be rendered unable to have a voice for fear of being maligned and labelled an enemy simply by way of difference of opinion. This cry bully mentality, this virtue signaling of the casually offended, the recreationally oppressed... this climate is bleeding into American campuses everywhere and is a threat to the very way of life we have worked so tirelessly as a nation to achieve. I was dumbfounded that anyone, anywhere, in a western society could ever think it constructive, or indeed, progressive to shame a brilliant, well spoken man such as he into silence. It was mind-blowing.

        So yeah, this has left me feeling uninspired, but the day is young! I think I may go for a walk. The puppy is here today, after all. My brother drops his dog Banner off every now and again and I watch him until he comes to pick him up in the afternoon. I love having him around. He likes to hang out and listen to me spout off angry diatribes of "why isn't art happening!?" and he's a good boy who likes to play just enough for me to have to give him attention, but not be too much of a distraction.

        So today, dear reader, let's you and me try to be conscious of what leaves us inspired and uninspired and try to sort out how we can allow the two to exist harmoniously without leaving us crippled with ineffectiveness with our art. 

        Lastly. There are a million and a half excuses to not write...but you only need one excuse to put down your thoughts in writing. So express yourself and find your audience. The truth will set you free.   

Until next time,

CjM