Early Riser

Dear Reader,

         It's 5:47AM and the birds are all a twitter. I haven't been up this early in centuries and I'm almost afraid to share that. It's so beautiful a time with the sky a pale blue casting a strange sepia tone onto the rest of the world. I had such a wonderfully comforting dream this morning. I was, as per my usual dream, at some vacation cottage with members of my family. This has become the setting for most of my dreams in the last few years and apparently indicates stress. That's fine, Stress is normal I suppose (smiles through the pain). Anyways, from there I recall taking a walk with a beautiful girl I used to know. I had gone to school with her. She's one of those types of women that are too good to be true. Hard working, driven, sweet and bubbly and dangerously sexual. She's the type of girl, as my friend and I say, that I'd let ruin my life. 

        If you can't bring yourself to understand what I mean, I feel sorry for you. 

        In my dream, this girl and I were walking innocently on a boardwalk. Her in a sundress, me ogling her in her sundress (seriously, how unfair are sundresses.) And that, dear reader, was the extent of it. An innocent walk with a beautiful girl. It has now become obvious how crushingly lonesome my existence has become. I've been away from the city life for almost a year now. I've gotten so much writing done, made so much progress, and had so much growth. But. Yeah. This area is #LAME i'm a #BORNAGAINVIRGIN and it's awful. My sexual identity is a joke. No wonder so many young men find themselves addicted to porn. search "Mia Malkova" right now. Seriously. Just know that she, that innocent, doe-eyed sex kitten has been filmed performing just about every single sex act you would ever think of (and some you wouldn't). My point being, dear reader, however crass, is that when you are lonely in today's society, it's ever more easy to bury yourself into a pit of isolation and never come out. I'd give anything to make that dream of walking by a waterfront hand in hand with that beautiful girl I once knew a reality.

        The next part of my dream filled me with even more joy. I was randomly comparing notes with my closest friend who now lives in California. He doesn't keep a journal in real life I'm sure, but in the dream he did, and it made feel incredibly jealous so I went and got my journal to show him. This part I loved because when I got my journal, the pages came alive. We were transported to this dark, desolate land of red and grey and rock and sand. There were men traveling adorned in black cloaks. They were suffering, ready to keel over at any moment, then the sky opened up and a monster poured out. As they fought the monster I remembered being transported out into some random apartment where my friend and I were joined by one of my old college buddies. We were now discussing the finer points of the lore of my very own fantasy creations as the TV buzzed warmly in the background. That, dear reader, is my most precious dream: to share stories with my friends, and the world.         

        This all comes from being up early. If I can take the time like this every day to bang out a thousand words before the sun even comes up, (by now it is though, a lovely, warm pink sunrise) I just might find some happiness, I know, of course, that this will not always be the case. Mornings like this are a rarity...but they don't have to be! I'm actually awake and aware and that's the key: not to force myself up as though I'm struggling to fight off horse tranquilizers, but to get to bed early enough now where I can wake up with vigor and purpose. I do resist it so. I stay up late, stare into my phone until my brain is mush, and then surprise, surprise, I can't get to sleep because my brain is finally allowed to have a thought of its own for once, so it keeps me up. 

         I went to bed early last night because of a pounding headache. Turns out it was the best thing for me. No delving into pointless Facebook arguments, no porn, no stalking exes. Just sleep; deep, unaltered dreams about taking walks with pretty girls, and reading fantasy adventures.

        Well dear reader, I know It's been a while since you heard from me and I'm sorry for that (though not really.) I've actually been delving into a new short story that I'm really excited about. I explained the concept to my friend who brushed it off with a cavalier nonchalance which annoyed the sh!t out of me. I explained the premise to him, he's half listening while he flicks a f@cking cat toy at me. I wasn't pitching it to him as if he were a magazine editor either, mind you, he asked me what I was up to and I told him that I was at the lake writing. He asked what, I told him. He shrugged it off like a typical doubter who has only ever had good ideas in his head... and one day when he gets around to them... Please spare me. Anyway "The premise," I explained to him "is not the entire essence, or heart of the stoy, you realize". The setting and structure is a small part of the story as a whole. Stories are about people. Can you relate to them? Are they interesting and three dimensional? What message are you trying to get across with your story? For instance, my story is a comment on the difference in online dating between men and women. It explores superficiality, regret, desperation, sexual competition, and the unending cycle of searching through the meat market of single people. Everything else is just window dressing.
        Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones are both fantasies, yes, and one is even inspired by the other. But the stories and characters could not be more different. His comment of being "over the whole technology taking over thing" represents a part of our generation and culture as a whole that finds only surface observations in our lives. From the people we love to the movies we watch, all we see is how things are skinned. Which makes for superficial relationships, and superficial content. Am I relating my friend's inability to look past the sy-fi aspect of my story to much deeper issues like racial tension in our country? Maybe.       

        Alright, enough therapy, my alarm has gone off so that means it's time to get moving for the day. I'll continue to work on my story and chip away at all my other projects, dear reader. I'll post some more musings when I need to, but for now I'm kind of enjoying our casual relationships. I feel very inspired lately and just started a new job as a box office assistant at a gorgeous performing arts venue. The hours are easy and the town is really cute and progressive and all that. I'm going to try and get to bed early again so I can wake up and start the day with a little bit of this or that with my writing. Until then, I hope you keep well and continue working towards whatever goals you have. It's what keeps us going, right?

-CjM