Game of Thrones Season 7 Ep. 3 Review

Hey y'all,


        You know what time it is... Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 3  entitled "The Queens Justice" is in the books...let's review it!

Spoilers ahead!!!!!

        From the "Next week on" preview last week, I think we were all pretty much only looking forward to one thing: Jon and Dany are going to meet. This has been long awaited, speculated, theorized, argued over, and this episode promised to at some point deliver it! I can't wait to s-- oh. Oh It's a cold open on craggy rocks. And there's a ship. And there's Jon. On Dragonstone. Already. He just traveled across the entire continent of Westeros with, apparently, Davos and like 5 nameless foot soldiers. Remember when Robert Baratheon traveled to Winterfell at the beginning of the show, with a vanguard of like a thousand people? Oy. Fine. Here we go...  

Dragonstone:

        Jon washes up on the shore where (holy smokes!) there actually are Dothroki in the show! They didn't waste all their money on dragons after all! I wonder if we're ever going to get their take on how they feel about being the first Dothraki Horde to ever cross the Narrow Sea in the History of ever...that might be pretty interesting...hold on though we've got main characters to deal with! Jon and Tyrion exchange pleasantries and, again, as is seemingly the theme of the season, recalling fond moments of the series back when it was actually interesting television. Davos introduces himself to Tyrion, who already apparently knows his nickname, and Tyrion introduces Misandei as "The Queen's most trusted advisor," even though she's had like 2 scenes with her over the span of the last 3 seasons. Okay, we're all good and introduced? Well good because it's time for a gratuitous and convenient shot of DROGON as soon as Jon's lineage is brought up. Subtle. So subtle. Also, Tyrion brings up the fact that he's unsure of how a Night's Watch recruit became King in the North...this is a valid question considering that Night's Watch recruits serve for life. How is Jon going to explain this? Oh. He isn't.
        Varys and Malisandre are up on the far rocks watching the party's long walk from the beach to the castle . Varys doesn't like red priests and priestess's because of his (still pretty hush hushed) past. He's digging into why she doesn't want to go meet with Jon after suggesting so adamantly for Dany to meet with him. She doesn't, of course tell him the horrible things she did to the Baratheon claim, but says something to the effect of "I've brought Ice and Fire together and now I'm being written off until I'm needed for plot convenience." So it looks like the Spider has successfully rid the Targaryens of having too many main characters in one place. So these two (brilliant, really) actors slog us through some pretty vague dialogue and I'm left wondering why they even really needed Mal at all if they weren't going to give us some juicy drama with Davos, Jon and Dany. Like, couldn't they have had Varys or even Tyrion or even Theon suggest Jon? All three of them have ties to the Starks...oh well, goodbye Mal, we loved you for your brief entrance and  (presumably) exit in this season...still more scenes than Ghost though.
        So Jon and D$ (Davos $eaworth) get into the throne room on Dragonstone. It's a grim and wet and dark castle...Jon Snow should feel right at home! Missandei introduces Dany and her thousands of titles. Davos introduces next: "This is Jon Snow...he's King in the North."  I loved that moment so very much. Liam Cunningham is one of the best things to have ever happened to this show. Dany starts by smugly calling Jon "lord," because he'll never be royal (Pun) and that doesn't sit well with D$, envoy MVP 6 seasons running. Jon is King in the North and should thus be referred to as such. But Dany is prepared with a dull history lesson that should have been exposed to us in a conversation earlier, but instead is robbing us of this dramatic moment...anyways Jon doesn't bend the knee. I CALLED IT. Sorry, this season has been super predictable so far, or maybe I just know way too much about ASOIAF lore and they literally keep pounding us over the head with the fact that history and events are reoccurring (I'll reference this point again when we get to Winterfell.)
        So Jon doesn't kneel You've spent too much time with the free folk, you can never be a kneeler again, and is instead held "guest" by Queen Dany, who actually comes off as kind of a brat in the scene as does her counterpart. I suppose though, that this would be the point. Overall though, their first scene together was rather disappointing. They both go on rants about their grievances with the other's houses...and almost go out of their way to not mention Rheagar and Lyanna even when Dany goes on about how she was raped even though in the books she had consensual sex with her brutish husband and they became each other's Sun and Stars and Moon of their life. No, not show Dany. She's a woman scorned. She's empowered. She's had enough of the Dothraki campus rape culture and she wants Jon to know that the only thing that kept her going was knowing how great she was. Lordy what an ego. I'm calling it right now, she'll become the villain after Jon falls in love with her and he'll be forced to kill her. Anyways what was I blathering on about? Oh! Rhaegar! Dany mentions how she was raped and that would have been a primeeeee time for Jon to be like "Oh, you mean like how (presumably) your brother kidnapped my aunt Lyanna and raped her before she was found dead in a tower in a pool of her own blood? Righhhhht I guess you can excuse that though." Also, neither of them is going to punish the other for their father's (ancestor's) crimes. Which the show runners really want to drill into our heads because they've said that turn of phrase more times than "Winter is Coming" this season.        
        I also don't understand how, at this point in the show when dragons and giants and all manner of magical powers are real, people are being picky about the stuff they believe to be real and not real. Skepicism is great in like seasons 1-5 but I think if we're now going full-tilt wars with dragons etc, the show runners have to be aware of the world they've built. It seems pretty plausible that the army of the dead is returned, I mean that's in the history books of Westeros too. Also, the perfect time to tell about Jon dying and coming back to life was right then and there. Why are they hiding this revolutionary plot point for more than an entire season now? Isn't anyone curious as to why he was elected Lord Commander and just decided to not be in the Night's Watch anymore? Is he no different now than he was before his death? Will I drive myself crazy asking these types of questions?
        We get a scene where Tyrion and Jon are both brooding on top of a cliff and then Tyrion drops some meta comment about how Jon is all broody and Tyrion is all broody and aren't they so cute together? I do enjoy Tyrion and Jon's relationship, but I can't help but feel that this "problem that nobody believes me about white walkers" falls flat, and the show runners are trying to convince us that in a world of magic -- nobody believes in magic. It just rings false because the very next scene Dany is convinced to help the man who just refused to kneel because reasons. So the purpose of these scenes is for Tyrion to be diplomatic, as his character is, and he wants to entice Jon by giving him something he wants: Dragonglass. So okay good...now Jon and Davos and the six Stark men they came with can start a good old fashioned dig-a-thon! Man, once they get all this glass up, they are going to need some serious blacksmith recruitment...
        Then somewhere off the coast of Dragonstone, Theon is pulled up by a random Ironborn ship They give him grief that he's alive and was unable to save his sister. Surviving a lost battle to live and fight another day is not the Ironborn way. So that segues us to:

King's Landing.

        Euron is parading his niece and Dornish captures through the streets of King's Landing. He rides his parade all the way up to the steps of the Iron Throne Aladdin style and dismounts his horse to present his gift to Queen Cersei. SO my prediction about certain artifacts that Book Euron possesses was wrong. They aren't going to bring anything interesting in from the books yet. They are going to use Euron as a plot vehicle to do things like wrap up the Sand Snake's sad, sad screen life. Though I have to admit I do love the character for the show in spite of itself. If they are going to present a watered down, sociopath Ramsey 2.0 villain, I'm glad it's a Greyjoy, and I'm glad the actor is bringing so much energy to the screen despite hysterically bad lines like Euron asking Jaime if Cersei likes a finger in the bum during sex...wow. Give those writers all the Emmys now.
        So then we get to see obnoxiously evil Cersei torture the Sand Snakes. It was disturbing to watch, as they intended, but I couldn't help feel a bit insulted by the arch presented to us for Ellaria. I won't go on another rant about how they had this fantastic source material and omitted great Dornish characters like Quentyn, Arianne, Hotah and Doran and replaced them with a gaggle of irrational, vengeful, and cheap Sands...but this whole segment felt like fan service. Sure, it is very "Game of Thrones" to rob us (or 'Robb' us...eh?) of characters we hold near and dear to our hearts by delivering an ironic and untimely death to them because of mistakes they've made, but we don't, as an audience, care about the Sand Snakes other than now having this brutally twisted torture sequence force us into having compassion for a mother (well acted by Varma) desperately grieve and cling for any chance to save her daughter. Well, the Sand snakes are no more and the Queen has delivered her justice, per the show's title. Ellaria murdered Doran, murdered Trystane, and murdered Marcella. People tend to forget that with all the ominous cello music telling us how we are supposed to feel. So in a way, her arch is well served out...her vengeful anger and murderous scheming is met with vengeful murder at the behest of those she sought to destroy. Lesson: Don't cross Cersei because she plays a longer game than you.
         Then she returns triumphantly to her brother lover and takes him as a conquest. I hope she wiped all that poison off before she put Jaime's d!ck in her mouth...I feel like Westeros doesn't have Planned Parenthood and that "Long Farewell" poison doesn't sound very pleasant to have to piss out. So we get some long awaited (okay maybe just by me) twinsest and Cercei seems shockingly cavalier about the whole thing. Maybe she's got all her hot 1950 hair-bob hand maidens wrapped around her finger just like Margery had with hers, and they won't gossip. An aside: I love the small touch of having all the hand maidens wear their hair like the Queen. Nice detail.
        Next we get a visitor in King's Landing: good old Mycroft Holmes is here to collect the Iron Bank's due. This is, in my opinion, the best scene of the episode. It's tense and both characters are hiding their true intentions. It sets up the coming war very nicely and lets us in on some stakes for Cercei to have to come through. Plus, Mycroft Holmes. It was a tennis match between two power hungry people and subtly let us know how Braavos was opposed to the Religious dogma of the High Sparrow and also that it's pretty well suspected that Cercei blew up the Sept. It reveals things without being overt, it calls back characters and moments to build a case, not to simply expose plot that we, the assumingly dumb audience may have forgotten. It has purpose, it's a good pacing, it has a clear arc, and Lena Headey doesn't need emotional cello cues to tell us how to feel. This small setup scene is everything Dany and Jon's meeting wasn't.      

Winterfell.

        Up North we get to see Sansa in charge from when Jon left. She's doing command-y things and speaking regally and preparing for the winter as her father would have done. "Command suits her," says Little Finger, who is clearly up to his same old tricks. I haven't yet predicted what his plans are, but that weird, cryptic speech he gives her about how she needs to be able to see everything and to "fight every battle everywhere always, in your mind..." which, I guess is meant to sound super mischievous  and I think just meant to confuse her. It confused the hell out of me, that's for sure. Everyting that happens will be something that you've seen before. Damn. Is Little Finger a Warg or time traveler? hmmmm.
        Then Bran comes back. Meera pulled him all the way from beyond the Wall to Winterfell and hasn't said like a word all season. Also, Bran is a total robot all of the sudden? Like he was the Three Eyed Raven for almost 5 episodes now, but upon reuniting with his sister, he can't show emotion? Is this a bad directing choice, because they do the same thing with Arya in Ep 2 with hot-pie. It's painful to watch because these kids, while not being the strongest actors, are better than the one-dimensional "tone" acting they have been doing. It's confusing to me. Maybe going home to Winterfell has something to do with it? Anyway it just, like most of this season so far, feels hallow. The scene in the Godswood between brother and sister, while beautifully set, was like the weirdest f@cking scene in the series. What did it accomplish? Let's analyze it.

Sansa: I wish Jon was here.

Brandriod: Oh thanks b!tch. Not like I just dragged my @ss a thousand miles for 5 seasons just to have our first scene together. But yeah, Jon's cool. I know he's actually not our brother but I'm not gonna tell you.

Sansa: Hey you're father's oldest living son. You're Lord of Winterfell even though I was literally in the room when our banner-men proclaimed Jon the King in the North so that's an awkward thing for me to have said.

Brandroid: Funny you brought up lineage when on the subject of Jon Snow...Anyways, I can't be Lord of Winterfell because I'm the Three Eyed Raven.

Sansa: The what?

Brandroid: It's this whole thing. We don't have time to explain it though, because the writers only do exposition as lazy character affirmations. I saw you get raped though, you looked really beautiful that night. The night of your rape. Remember that?

Sansa: Oh. So you're really gross now, huh?

Brandroid: Well at this point I'm just a one dimensional side character that is only used to expose cool twists. Did you hear how Hodor got his name? Cool right? That was some Meet the Robinsons sh!t, wasn't it? I bet I'll find out tons of cool stuff in the Winterfell Tree though.

Sansa: K gross bye.

Brandroid: I'll be watching you.

        So I guess Littlefinger just happened to plant that idea in her head, and Bran just happened to pull a 180 with his entire character just so...what? Sansa can be suspicious of her own family? That's a reach D&D. Anyway it's time for...

Misadventures in Old Town!

        When last we left Sam and Jorah, Sam had performed a delicate operation on our Bear which appeared to be just...ripping off scabs and then putting paste over the wounds. Oh cool. Maybe some sort of variable will go down or dramatic twist or...nope. Jorah is apparently healed because (and this is literally what Sam said ) Sam read the books and followed the instructions properly. This gives further cause to the tinfoil theory that Sam is GRRM's insert character, the writer of the Song of Ice and Fire. Sam read ahead. Maybe Sam dies and that's why the books of the series will never be finished (tasteless meta joke).
        So Jorah is happy and going to returned to his Khaleesi. I expected like...some emotion or something where Jorah realizes he isn't going to die and has fulfilled his quest for his Queen and can now be by her side. We kind of got that, but honestly it felt too rushed, too easy, too unearned. But we do get a rather long handshake between he and Sam. I'm praying that this will mean my predictions are correct that the entire Citadel gets Greyscale and they have to use the Dragonglass mines to help cure all the Maesters rather than forge Valerian Steel blades. That would be dramatic and interesting...so I doubt that will happen. It could have just been a dramatic moment for Jorah who has not felt the touch of another human since season 5, but then, we've been connected with Jorah's struggle to not be able to touch (metaphorically and literally) a certain someone for the entire series anyway. Here's hoping for you Jorah. So anyway, tralalala la, Sam is told to make copies of rotting books as a punishment for disobeying orders and he cost Gryffindor 10 house points. Let's hope something interesting happens to Sam and Jorah now that his Greyscale is magically healed. I can't stress to you how much I love these two characters and how let down I've been with both of their threads for the past 2 seasons. Please let my predictions be right.

The Reach

        It's time for some battle sequences!!! Or...wait...some strangely distanced narrated sequences that remove all sense of danger so that Tyrion can showcase how much he knows only to be outsmarted by his siblings and their plot armor? *Sigh.* Also, why did they just put down the Sunspear piece on their table? I thought the Sandsnakes pledged their army to Dany last season? So because the widow of the prince's brother and her three bastard daughters were killed...Dorne's twenty thousand spears are just disappeared? Alright fine. So Greyworm and the Unsullied Sail around the entire continent and take Casterly Rock, a nearly impenetrable Castle in a montage sequence. But the Lannister Army has been pulled out so they can attack Highgarden. I'm imagining these as two gigantic hundred-page battles in the books, and I can't wait to read about what actually happened. But for now, the Unsullied are trapped holding Casterly Rock because Euron's fleet teleports to the western shores of Westeros and destroys the Unsullied Fleet.
        Why is the Iron Fleet literally everywhere? I get that they are the largest fleet (1000 ships) to ever sail and that Casterly Rock is at least on the same coast as the Iron Islands...but the suspension of disbelief as far as armies traveling at light speed and being able to predict the next move of their foe is just getting unbearable. The only thing I can think is that Cersei has an informant in Dany's council. I want to believe they are toying with us to have a big reveal, but like with Jorah and the Greyscale, I think this all might be just surface level plot-by-plot. After all, they no longer have George's guiding eye after he left the show to pursue other, better projects (It's this book series titled the Song of Ice and Fire, you should check it out.)
        Cut to Jaime marching triumphantly to take High Garden. The march of the Lannisters army is a terrifying one, and Jaime looks bad@ss with Bronn and the Tarlys in command. So they take Highgarden off screen with apparently very little resistance, which is insulting story telling and not at all dramatic. The Tyrells were the second strongest house in Westeros and wardens of the Reach. Loras, before he was made into Token Gay Man, was the most skilled knight in Westeros. Loras was the knight of flowers and it was an Ironic name because of how skilled he was...he was the thorn on the rose and the Tyrell name was strong and feared. So after they take Highgarden, there is a great scene with Olena Tyrell, sitting in fearful defeat. This scene would have probably been the best in the episode if it weren't for my above observations about the bastardization of the Tyrell name, but also for the fact that the Queen of Thornes was on Dragonstone last episode and from what I recall, never was explained to have been back at Highgarden until right now. I'm really losing it. Seriously when did she get there, and when did she even leave? With Yara and the Sandsnakes? Why weren't her ships destroyed as well? Ugh.
        So Jaime has a farewell with the most talented actress on the show, and the series will suffer for it. He shows a moment of mercy and tells her to drink poison. She does. And as she begins her death process, she reveals to Jaime that it was her who schemed to kill Jeoffery. It was a very satisfying way to go out, and Jaime will now have to deal with that reality which is wonderful because I thought they had basically done away with any and all chances for Jaime to grow as a character. I'm glad that they tied this in. Many of Jaime's adventures in the books are quite like this scene. He strong-arms some poor lord into caving to the Lannister's cause in the name of his sister. Jaime is constantly faced with these moral dilemmas and he always leaves his (mis)adventures with a bitter taste in his mouth, much like this one, with the brilliant Queen of Thornes confessing to the poisoning of Jeoffery before she dies her own poisoned death. She always finds a way, even in defeat, to get the last laugh.

        So there we have it. Another episode in the bag and ONLY 4 MORE LEFT. This episode showed one thing clearly to me: We are officially pedal to the metal. D&D are not stopping this train. They are tying up plots (very sloppily) in order to get to payoffs. Unfortunately they are sacrificing the thing, the spirit of what made Game of Thrones successful in the first place, besides excellent source material to adapt from: the well drawn out story telling. Tension and mystery and intrigue. The politics are gone now, the geographical sense of expansive world building is gone now, the well written dialogue is, for the most part, gone now. We are witnessing a pair of showrunners getting antsy with wrapping up a story that they no longer feel strongly about. They have gone on record saying that they had only ever envisioned getting to the Red Wedding and from that point on couldn't have imagined anything further...and it shows. I've really grown to care about all these characters and I very very very much hope this season turns around. It feels so rushed. It feels like they gloss over important moments, linger on fluff, drop overtly obvious plot points that cause us to theorize and be prepared for something interesting, but then they take the obvious rode to save time. This season continues to be everything the author of this material stands opposed to. But hey...Dragons are cool.

See you next week, same time same place? I can't look away and I'm fully invested in this story more than I could ever articulate in a blog post, So I'll be here till the bitter end. I hope you enjoyed my rantings and predictions! See you next week!


-CjM